The Spoof: "The GOP announced that its "Don't Get Out The Vote" campaign is [a big] success. GOP spokesman, Dick Hertz, remarked, "In Ohio, for example, our teenage volunteers have been very successful in persuading elderly voters to stay home....When asked if reports indicating that some teenage GOP "volunteers" have reportedly slashed the tires of cars owned by the elderly and beat them with their own canes... Hertz responded, "Well, some of these elderly folks... don't understand we're only trying to keep them safely at home. After all, if they go out, they might get the flu and die - because lawyers like John Edwards have raised litigation costs for good patriotic pharmaceutical companies." Hertz denied reports that GOP volunteers fed thousands of Democratic ballots into a wood chipper. "That's simply not true. We had no idea those garbage bags contained registration forms."

Animator David Scott has done a brilliant job with GWB and the Mighty Mouse choir. Enjoy!

A: George W. Bush had a plan to get out of Vietnam

Join Triumph in Spin Alley for 6 minutes and 34 seconds of possibly the funniest late night television ever created. (Click one of the mirror sites for the video).

"Police in the battleground state of Pennsylvania are looking for a man who robbed a bank Thursday night wearing a George W. Bush mask. The holdup man, who did not flash a weapon, demanded the money from a teller at a Commerce Bank near York. As seen in the below bank surveillance photos--provided to TSG by the Northern York County Regional Police--the robber wore gloves, a ski hat, and a fixed grin. A police spokesman would not say how much the Dubya doppelganger got away with."

Bush plans to use flow charts to illustrate how he believes John Kerry will subvert the US government - as in a "radical leftwing" efforts to improve healthcare and education! Here a Dubya flow chart reveals the awful truth....

The Spoof: "Tom DeLay has been accused of illegally soliciting campaign contributions, laundering campaign contributions to influence state legislative races and the improper use of his office to influence various federal agencies.Mr. DeLay has denied all the allegations saying, "You Yankee queers don't understand Texas. What all I've done can in no way be considered illegal, unless of course a Democrat did it, then we'd tan his hide and nail it to the barn door. I'm telling you right now, that I'm gonna fight these charges with every tool I have at my disposal...intimidation, lying, suppression or falsifying of evidence and out and out physical violence." Pudgy Waterhouse, speaking on the condition that Tom DeLay doesn't hurt his family said "We in the Administration count Mr. DeLay as one of our closest friends and allies, unless of course he gets thrown into jail in which case we've never heard of the stupid son of a bitch. That's Texas Politics."

Spoof: "Monday, November 1: The badly decomposed body of Osama bin Laden is "found." November 2: Election Day; November 3: Amid widespread claims of extensive election fraud, nationwide recount begins; November 4: Nationwide Recount Stopped by U.S. Appeals Court; November 8: Nationwide recount is allowed to continue by order of U.S. Appeals Court; November 10: GOP "supporters" in ten swing states simultaneously invade courthouses and burn ballots when recount shows Kerry in lead; police fail to make any arrests. November 12: Supreme Court imposes stay of earlier circuit court ruling...orders recount to stop. November 15: Electronic voting machines from several swing states found buried in lot after being crushed by a steamroller; others discovered dumped off Florida coast. November 16 (morning): Dick Cheney says "Recount is dangerous and gives comfort to our enemies." Calls on Kerry to "Do the Right Thing!"

The Spoof: "On Thursday, September 23rd Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld said he didn't think that elections in Iraq necessarily needed to encompass the entire country in order to be fair or binding. Speaking at one of his increasingly rare press conferences, Secretary Rumsfeld dismissed the idea that voting in a national election should be a right enjoyed by every citizen as 'kinda loopy.' 'If there were to be an area where the extremists focused during the election period, and an election was not possible in that area at that time, so be it,' said Rumsfeld, blithely writing off a significant portion of Iraq as a voting entity. Rumsfeld of course backed down from his statement the very next day saying, ' It was the Haldol talking yesterday, of course every Iraqi will get a chance to vote. I know a lot of them are dying to be able to cast their ballot and probably a lot more of them will die before they ever get a chance to, but hey, it's all good.' "

The Spoof: "Sec of Education Rod Paige announced the release of a text book that will exclusively include conservative perspectives, removing such items as Geo Washington's famous quote, 'I hope ever to see America among the foremost nations of justice and liberality.' 'An Idiots Guide to America's Blind Patriotism' is a required reading in schools and colleges this quarter before elections. The book will teach you how to become misinformed and just plain ignorant enough to support a president no matter what, unless of course they happen to be a Democrat. Then you must not only hate their guts, but must impeach them. The book makes weak arguments for narrow minded people" like 'The Native Americans had it coming - Modern business people needed that land...so unrestricted free market capitalism won in the end.' The book includes forged photographs of the Vietnam War where Bush is bravely flying dangerous missions over Hanoi and receiving four purple hearts for bravery."

The Spoof: "On Monday, media queen Oprah Winfrey will broadcast a special interview with God in which (S)He says that the current Florida devastation from hurricane activity is directly related to the Bush election theft of 2000. "I regret that some innocent Floridians had to endure My wrath regarding this matter, but I had to hold accountable George Bush and the many people who participated in stealing the 2000 election from Albert Gore, and those sinners are located all over the state...Albert is a favorite of Mine because he is one of the few humans in politics that has a grasp on the importance of protecting the environment. It's a well known fact that I created humans after I created everything else...They were designed as caretakers, not destroyers, of My creation. Al is one of the few humans who isn't clueless in this matter. Honestly, I don't know what 'higher Father' Bush thinks he's talking to," God said, "but it certainly isn't Me."

The Spoof: "Bush has accused John Kerry of promoting big government in America. 'Big government is a threat to Democracy, unless it can assure me victory in November,' said Bush. 'The only thing that should be big in America is corporate profits. I say screw having big hearts.' The St. Cloud crowd in Minnesota applauded, but only because they signed the loyalty oath on the way into the auditorium. 'If hiding all of my controversial records means that I am for Big Government, then this administration is for a Big Brother State,' said Vice President Cheney. 'Maybe if I make people think that John Kerry wants big government, they will ignore my small brain,' said Bush. 'John Kerry IS Big Brother. I mean, look at him, he must be 6' 4' or something!' "

The Spoof: "In a mighty strike to the core of infamous terror group Al-Qaeda, Democratic Presidential candidate Sen. John Kerry , assisted by a small privately contracted army of expert fighters and strategists, captured terrorist leader Osama bin Laden today. Kerry and his compact fighting force boarded a private jet after he was leaked classified information in a personal communication with Pentagon authorities. Though reports are unconfirmed it seems likely that intelligence officials acted on their conscience after Bush refused several times to respond to clear intelligence, responding only with intimidation tactics, which in the end were unsuccesful. It seems likely that the unreponsiveness of the commander-in-chief led still unnamed authorities to resort to illegally comissioning Senator Kerry to handle the job."

The Spoof: "In a rare moment of weakness, Jeb Bush, the Republican Governor of Florida and brother to President [sic] Bush, said today he will be unable to fix the Florida ballot because of the wanton destruction caused by the one-two Charley-Frances punch. 'There's just too much death and destruction down here right now, I have no time to fix the ballot in favor of my brother,' Bush said. Whereas the 2000 election offered little in the way of rogue left wing weather patterns, the 2004 election is proving to be one rich with Category 3 and above spirals of disruption in the raping of democracy down in the Sunshine State. 'My hands are tied,' Bush said from a flooded voting station. 'The electronic voting machines are all shorted out from the water - just look at how they allow the voters the option of choosing the candidate they want to win. This is inexcusable.' "

The Spoof reveals the real reason the GOP needed faked polls to help Bush: the shocking X-rated performance of the bizarre "Blue Men" at the convention. It "lampooned everything from gay marriage to Kerry's war record, leaving the crowd in stunned silence throughout most of the awkward 15-minute performance. "I....didn't think they could do that," stammered one stunned delegate after the show abruptly ended.In a series of mime movements set to music, The Blue Man Group first simulated assorted violent acts on a longhaired John Kerry cutout... While the Abu Ghraib skit was most unwelcome, the goose-steeping finale with the burning effigies of Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton left no doubt as to the tasteless nature of the entire routine. Too shocked to "boo" and conditioned only to applaud, the GOP crowd apparently blew a collective fuse and sat in a stunned silence as the Blue Man Group took their bows and scattered out the side door of the convention hall."

The Spoof: "In an attempt to raise more money, the GOP has come up with a novel strategy -- open corporate sponsorship."Corporations are giving us money all the time, and they're grumbling that there's no visible return," says GOP strategist Ben Dover. "Sure, we've done a lot in the last four years to give them a decent return on their contributions. Just look at the environmental record!" [So] we're having a sealed-bid auction....the highest bidder has the right to name the Republican Party for the next 4 years...Their name goes on every ballot paper, campaign literature, ad spot - you name it. Even at a billion dollars, it's a steal." So we could see Bush and Cheney of the Halliburton Party? "Absolutely ," says Dover. Does the DNC intend to introduce a similar system to raise money? "We're called the Democratic Party -- that means we're sponsored by the people -- not by a corporation. And we're going to keep it that way."

Cheryl Seal writes: "As I have mentioned before, I occasionally obtain exclusive information from an operative working undercover in the White House: a mouse based inside the Oval Office wall who prefers to be known as Deep Throat II. In exchange for a generous stipend (an undisclosed amount of granola with banana flakes and Roquefert cheese), Deep Throat keeps his eyes and ears open. The last inside scoop I got from Deep Throat was a page from Barney the White House dog's diary that was, shall we say, quite revealing. Now, once more, Deep Throat has come through. Lulu, a mouse in the White House kitchen, was told by her cousin Fritz, who has a bachelor pad in the floor of a West Wing conference room, about a secret meeting between Karl Rove, Bush and Dick Cheney. In this meeting, the three men mapped out Bush's plans for 2004-2008 should he be reelected."

Spoof": "The Texas Air national Guard has taken the extraordinary step of recalling George W. Bush back to active service to be deployed to Iraq. Bush, who nearly served in the Guard in the early seventies was deemed eligible for service despite his current age of 57. An unnamed source in the Guard was quoted as saying, " were all sitting around the Officers Club getting drunk one night, trying to figure out how to bring our enlistments back up and there was Bush on TV at his ranch in Crawford. One thing led to another and we rote him a letter demanding he return to active duty. I don' know, it seemed pretty funny after five or six Alabama Slammers." hat may have started as a good-natured prank among some drunken Guard buddies just might end in tears. Apparently, when Mr. Bush received the letter from the Texas Air National Guard he immediately took off on Air Force One and went into hiding and none of his White House Staff can locate him. "

The Spoof: "Officials today refused to confirm or deny reports that the Presidential Protection Detail of the Secret Service have been issued with tranquilizer dart guns in the event of suddenly running amok in public Said an unnamed spokesman. "All I can say is that we are watching the President very carefully at this time." Some White House staffers allege that Mr. Bush's rapid mood swings, which go from Bible-quoting homilies to obscene tirades against real or imaginary opponents, are becoming more frequent and that verbal and physical violence is becoming an almost everyday occurrence in the Oval Office.An unnamed Republican Party source commented, "Why do you think we're pre-screening the crowds at the rallies? One hostile slogan on a T-shirt, or one heckler, and the man could blow at the seams. We've got to keep him under control until election day. And quite frankly, we don't know what to do about the televised debates."

Mad Kane sings

GOP,
NYC,
It's time to oust them from DC.
Evict George Bush and all his pals.

Screwed New Yawk,
Yet those hawks,
Act as if they did not balk
At sending help to our locale.

Now if you run into
A Bushie crew,
Wand'ring the streets.
Tell them you
Love Dubya too.
Then explain that west is east.

But don't you shove.
That won't do.
Cops will grab you right on cue,
Which only helps George Bush's pals.

The rest is here with a midi sing-along link.

NewsHax: "Bush announced Monday he is creating a new high-level government post to reverse Americas spiraling unemployment trend. According to Bush political advisors, America is hemorrhaging jobs. Most horrifying to Bush's advisors, job losses are mainly occuring in states crucial to Bush's re-election, prompting a real action from the president. To fill the post, Bush announced the appointment of Ronald McDonald, whom he touts as being "more responsible for more American jobs than any man, or clown, alive." Bush lauded his choice of Employment Mczar further, saying that "Mr. McDonald is a can-doer and will provide the American people with jobs. He's got job applications with him now in fact. That is plain talk you can take to the bank, along with your $200 paycheck.""

Thae Spoof: " In a surprisingly forthright statement, Bush admitted that he did not know what swift boats were, could not find Vietnam on a map, and had only seen a purple heart in his daily bowl of "Lucky Charms" cereal. Indeed, Bush continued, he had originally believed the ads were against his administration and the use of "really fast and cool boats" in Kennebunkport, Maine.Bush hastened to add that he has nothing but respect for the men and women who put their lives on the line to defend this great country. Unfortunately, his own service to the country had been disrupted by [said Bush] "pressing personal obligations and the knowledge that rich kids need not die like that. John F. Kennedy was my role model, too," Bush continued. "I knew I didn't want to end up with a bad back and have to sit in a rocking chair. I don't look good in a rocking chair."

NewsHax: " Many see it as natural that al-Sadr would try and emulate George Bush. "They really have a lot in common," said an intelligence operative, who preferred to remain anonymous and alive. "They both were pulled into the political scene on the coat-tails of their well-respected fathers, they both are senselessly stubborn and they've both gotten themselves in over their heads."It remains to be seen if al-Sadr will declare the mosque turn-over as "Mission Accomplished" ...But...Taking his cue from Bush's use of the Iraqi soccer team as a political prop, al-Sadr has produced his own series of ads in an effort to garner increasing support for his cause inside Iraq. Despite low production quality and a limited budget, at least one ad appears to be having some effect. In the five-second spot, al-Sadr simply points to a picture of George W. Bush and asks, "Any questions?"

Spoof [In a recent speech]: "Bush congratulated Americans on achieving the largest budget surplus on record, staggering job creation rates and improved standards of living figures across 75% of states.." In response to accusations that this info is false, a White House spokesperson said, "The speech given by George Bush today is factually correct. Having said that we do concede that it is based on information gathered 3 to 4 years ago." The admission follows hot on the heels of the revelation that recent terrorist threat alerts are also based on dated material. An anonymous source said, "Polls show clearly that those who support Bush either don't investigate his claims, or simply don't care. The latest strategy aims to capitalize on this demographics' willingness to swallow just about any bullsh**t that is thrown at them."

Spoof: " Several members of the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth have failed independent polygraph tests. Dwight Treadle, gave each of the swift boat vets a so-called "lie detector" test in which he found all of them were lying through their teeth! "John O'Neill, "Swiftee" spokesman for Swift Boat Vets for Truth was sweating so much throughout his questioning," said Treadle, "we needed to fire up two bilge pumps! It turns out that he was not even in the Navy, as he had claimed; he was a member of the Texas Air National Guard and has never even been in a rowboat. I found out he was the coke dealer that kept George W. Bush in drugs for the entire time he was in the Guard. Rear Adm. Roy Hoffman, USN (Ret.), it turns out, was never even in the military. During the Vietnam War Hoffman was a ringleader of Students For a Democratic Society (SDS), was busted for hashish and peyote possession four times, and met with spies from North Vietnam in Montreal on several occasions. "

The Spoof: "Due to the high cost of admission, ($11,500 per couple,) the lack of entertainment, and the continual loss of popularity of the Cheney/Bush ticket, organizers for the 2004 Republican National Convention fear attendance under the tent will not match the attendance of thousands of protestors on the streets outside. "No one bugged the Democrats at their convention with protests last month. Why us?" demanded harried RNC organizer, Fossil Perkins.A spokesperson for VP Dick Cheney addressed the growing crowd of protestors yesterday in an unofficial statement, "The vice president is asking you all to go f*ck yourselves." The obscene warning had little effect on the growing excitement among the sleepy protestors. Maxi Rickels, 19, of Pensacola, FL reminded, "Cheney is dragging out the "f" word every week now. You'd think he invented it. Big deal. Right back at you, fatso.""

The Spoof: "FEMA officials today brought relief to the ravaged counties of FLA in the form of preprepared ballots. With houses and lives to rebuild, said Dick Cheney, FLA voters need not worry themselves concerning the election.Giving priority to the basic needs of FLA residents, FEMA officals have declared the rebuilding of polling places incidental to a healthy and functioning society. "No one likes to vote, anyways", one FEMA official declared. Giving their time freely, young Republicans spent endless hours filling out ballots in a fair and impartial manner. Using voter registration rolls provided by Gov Jeb Bush, Republicans carefully punched through each ballot at least twice. Working closely with his brother Jeb, Bush declared the entire state of FLA in need of ballot replacement therapy. Bush hastened to add, however, that the Disney empire would not be placed on the list...as Governor Jeb Bush pointed out, mice can't vote."

Hugo Chavez and others have for nearly three years accused the Bush administration of trying to drive him from office using the same tactic used by Repug operatives in CA to ouster Gray Davis. But now Chavez has won in the recall referendum. So what can Bush do now? Hmm......

Onion: "Sheriff Virgil "Butch" Steinhorst [believes] a rash of Baraboo-area crimes -including the disappearance of two yield signs from Hoxie St.- was perpetrated by the al-Qaeda terrorist network...or teenagers."The party responsible could be anyone from suspected terrorist Ahmad Ibrahim Al-Mughassil to that Fairman kid and his buddies. It could be the work of one or the other. Possibly both.,." Responding to an report of a blue Ford Mustang seen idling in the Circus World parking lot for several hours after closing, Steinhorst said, "This activity matches up with the M.O. of a terrorist casing a potential target...It also matches the M.O. of a group of teens drinking beer and fooling around. But Tom Ridge told us...we could come under attack anywhere, any time...The tip-off could be anything from a duffel bag in a bank lobby to a carload of people at a stop sign who exit the car all at once, only to reenter through different doors."

Cheryl Seal writes: "Having followed the policies, decisions, and manipulations of George W. Bush closely and in depth for over three years, I found myself wondering, with daily growing amazement: Who on God's green Earth still actually supports this man? Well, yes, of course, the nation has been lied to by the media on a daily basis, which has made seeing through the scum on the White House pond more difficult. And the same meda has spun every action and statement made by Bush into something that doesn't LOOK like it should smell as bad as it does. Even so! So who are these holdout Bush supporters? After pondering four years worth of my own interactions, pro-Bush postings at various webstes, and the comments of callers to rightwing talk shows and C-SPAN, I have identified and compiled the following list of Bush supporter types."

The Spoof: "Bush made an unexpected visit to the embattled Iraqi city of Najaf after mistaking the blasted landscape for the Florida coast. "Not since my previous photo-op visit to the troops on Thanksgiving have I seen destruction of this scale," Bush said. "It looks like a bomb went off here, or something." During an afternoon press conference, Bush fielded rapid fire questions concerning his brazen trip into the heart of the fighting in Iraq. "You're asking me how do I explain all of these troops if we're really in Florida, you lefty media types? That's easy, as part of my reundistribution of U.S. military force worldwide, I have stationed a large portion of our Marines and Army Reserves here in Florida to help rebuild the broken homes and prevent blacks from voting in the November election. Now, if you'll excuse me, I declare major weather formations in this state over."

The Spoof "Since 2002, the leading demographic of those who go insane are professional and amateur authors of satire. And the leading cause of their insanity is George W. Bush. Dr. Mia Foney of the National Institute for the Insane has reported a 3000% increase in the number of satire writers who have recently committed themselves to her clinic. Dr. Foney reports that many spoof writers cannot seem to write [material] without a George Bush reference" and it's driving them nuts! "It has to be very hard on these writers,â?Â쳌 said Dr. Foney. "Almost everything that is funny, sad or just screwed-up these days is Bush's fault. And if Bush didn't screw it up himself, he sure as hell hasn't fixed it either. The guy is Barney Fife, without the intellect. He's like a black hole that pulls these writers in and doesn't let go. When you add in the Bush Cabinet and the nit-witted Bush supporters, you have about 40 million people to make fun of. It is all too easy."

Working with the CIA and MI6 (who are on a never-ending quest to make Bush and Blair look halfway competent), the Irish secret police Garda cracked a major case wide open. Reports Spoof: "Garda arrested Darby O'Gill and his gang known as "the little people" today in a raid on his farm. The Garda had been closely monitoring the O'Gill farm after allegations that he was collaborating with the well known Leprachaun theft ring known as "The little People." Over the two months [Garda] gathered hours of video footage showing O'Gill helping the leprachauns hide hundreds of thousands of euros worth of stolen goods in his cellar which the investigating officers [call] "The end of the rainbow." Far more shocking than this, Garda also gathered evidence that O'Gill and "The little People" were more than just thieves" - they are IRA terrorist collaborators! Now don't you feel safer knowing these evildoers have been stopped!?

The Spoof: " A high-profile asteroid strike, according to Osama bin Laden, will precede Al Qaeda's next major attack reports the Washington Post. Laden in a recorded message said that he has not decided the asteroid's impact point but it could be around Washington DC or Disney World in Florida, or Crawford Ranch, so many targets he just hasn't decided yet. Tom Ridge, director of Homeland Security tells Americans not to worry. There is no threat. Osama bin Laden cannot control the heavens or the earth. Tom Ridge also, sources say, uses a magic 8 ball to determine America's current threat level. Ridge denies such claims and assures us that Armageddon is NOT, repeat, NOT at hand .. according to the magic 8 ball."

Spoof: "Every year, towns across the US celebrate their heritage with re-enactments of famous historical events. The Bush Ranch is no exception. Dubya is pictured above re-enacting one of his numerous cocaine related arrests of 30 years ago. Bush spent the morning getting into character by spitting on the actors who were portraying policemen while screaming, "You blank-blankers*, do you have any freakin* idea who I am!? (* Writer's edit) Meanwhile, former President George H W Bush celebrated in the back yard by having 50 Mexicans dress up as drug-smuggling Khmer Rouge guerillas and execute 5 other Mexicans who were dressed as Laotian police officers. The elder Bush, who was the head of CIA operations in Southeast Asia in the early 70's, clearly enjoyed not having to look the other way, as he did at the time of the real executions. The scene was even complete with several dozen kilos of Heroin, courtesy of "Poppy" Bush's new allies in Afghanistan."

Sgt Silverspoon: "When I was able to secure him a cushy spot in the Texas Guard as a favor to his father, George W. Bush said "SEND ME"....

Google researchers are hot on the trail after Bush commissioned them through their fee-based "Google Answers" service to find Osama Bin Laden.Google CEO Dr. Eric E. Schmidt says.."We can find anything. For the right price we can find God.' Sources at Google say that they also recommended that the president place a couple of strategic Google AdWords .. "We could setup Mr Bush's AdWord ad so that we could monitor the IP address of any person hitting that link. For example Mr Bush's Ad might say, 'DISCOUNT CAR BOMB COMPONENTS'. "Once Bin Laden clicked that ad we'd relay the IP information to the State Department .. boom, we've got our terrorist check please." Google denies rumors that Bin Laden has commissioned Google Answers to find out out to elude President Bush. President Bush denies rumors that he is denying rumors. The State Department is denying rumors that Mr Bush denies rumors. Bin Laden sails on ..

Spoof: "Local chapters of a new self-help organization are springing up in communities across the country, for people who can't get images of Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky out of their minds, even after 5 1/2 years. Modeled after Alcoholics Anonymous, this organization is bringing flocks of Clinton-Haters [also known as People without Lives] together to discuss their deepest feelings about the affair between Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky. [One member] said he was aware that Newt Gingrich had had an affair, along with a whole host of other leaders in Washington, from both parties. Even Henry Hyde, who had chaired the impeachment proceedings, was guilty of having an affair with a married woman, and lied about it. Ben Johnson, a businessman, had attended a Promise Keeper's rally several years earlier, in which he had stood up in a stadium, with 6,000 other Christian men, to acknowledge their own sexual transgressions."Somehow it was different for us."

This cartoon by Martin Rowson of the UK Guardian says it all about the US's recurring terror threats - which are always so mysteriously coincidental with Bush's political needs.

The Spoof: "Though not yet official, word has it that Bush has selected the person who will be the Director of all intelligence services. The name of that person will come as a shock to many, others will see it as a brilliant political move. Vice President Dick Cheney's name will be sent to the Senate for confirmation as the new intelligence czar, thereby eliminating a major problem on November 2nd, election day. By voluntarily stepping down Cheney himself solves that problem, yet remains one of the most highly placed and powerful government officials. Sources close to Cheney say that he would take office soon after New Years. Others close to the V.P. indicate that he will outsource all U.S. intelligence activities and responsibilities to Halliburton Industries, where he was CEO before assuming his Vice Presidential duties."

Spoof: "Beginning September 11, 2004, all U.S. citizens will be eligible to purchase Terrorist Hunting permits provided they can show proof of Caucasian citizenship and active membership in a local Christian church. These permits will be available at all business currently selling hunting and fishing licenses. Some of these businesses also plan to offer extended sales options for terrorist hunting, and many shop owners have plans for side businesses offering to dress the kills of their patrons. "I'm a' plannin' to add a little terrorist taxidermy and ammunition counter over by the beer cooler," said Billy John of The Sportsman's Market in Hanging Limb, TN. Mae Ruth Wilhoit, an east TX craftswoman said she would be introducing a new line of decoupaged terrorist skulls weighted with shot pellet that may be used as bookends, doorstops or "just as a spunky lamp base for your child's bedroom."

This rightwing screed has been attributed to a Georgia state rep. Mitchell Kaye. Originally called "The Non-Bill of Rights," here is a retitled, "annotated" version by Cheryl Seal Sample: ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. CS NOTE: You have the right to get sick, then get sicker, and finally die slowly and miserably, costing your families and ultimately the federal government ten times more than if you'd had access to healthcare in the first place. You have the right to suffer needlessly and watch your children or elderly parents suffer, unable to afford treatment because, afterall, that's what 'Merica is all about?

The Spoof: "Scientists have created a new hybrid car that runs, for the most part, on the fumes emitted when human beings lie or bullshit. "We used to say, he's just full of hot air", when describing a person who exaggerates or bullshits. Now we say, "He's full of reusable fuel", said Dr. Simon Depot. "We get most of our fuel from political campaigns, fundraisers and singles bars. At the last Republican convention, the bullshit-o-meter went off the charts. Enough fuel was collected to power an entire fleet of our cars. We were only there for a few speeches, before we were asked to leave. I can' even imagine how much we could have collected if we were able to stay for the entire event. We then took the meter to ph Nader' Green Party campaign. His campaign speeches emitted absolutely no fume or gases. He talked the whole time and never let anyone else speak. There was no bullshit, just a lot of whining and complaining about the other two parties."

Spoof: "Believing that [Saddam Hussein] can still sway Iraqi product preferences, Girl Scout councils across the United States are falling over themselves chartering flights to Iraq in an effort to take orders. First on the tarmac at Baghdad International was Sharon Potter, age 12 from Hoffman Estates, Illinois. "Mr. Hussein bought eight boxes of Thin Mints and eight boxes of Caramel deLites," said Potter. Not everyone is happy that Saddam's cookie preferences have been leaked to the media. Muhammed al Rushadan, a Jordanian lawyer retained by Saddam's family, sees the arrival of the Girl Scouts as yet another human rights violation. "These little girls in their uniforms, they have found his prison --- even his cell --- despite assurances from Bush that his location would not be divulged. Not even I know where he is sometimes, but they do. And we all know that once you buy one box of those things, they never give up!"

The Spoof: "Scientists from all over the world have gathered in Florida this week to study the age-old question: Is a frog's ass water tight? "Since I was a little kid, my dad has asked me that question. Now that I'm a scientist, I want to find the answer. This is an important study, far more important than global warming or the mating habits of garden spiders. If we can get the funding, we will also research the "other" very important question: If a frog had wings, would it bump it's ass-a-hoppin'" one scientist said. Many area frogs have volunteered for the project. Experiments are planned to test both theories. One such experiment involves pumping a frog full of water, hanging it upside down to see if it leaks. When asked why any frog would put themselves through this. Kermit replied, "We just want the truth. If this is what we have to do to get it, so be it!"

Spoof: "After failing to receive an enthusiastic welcome during his recent visit to Ireland as did previous US presidents such as Bill Clinton and John Kennedy, George W. Bush has gone on record by punishing the Guinness swilling country by naming it as the western hemisphere's equivalent of North Korea.Not satisfied at only breaking off diplomatic relations with Dublin, at yesterday's press conference, he went much further by claiming that the Irish have a secret program to develop weapons of mass destruction. He said, "We have reliable intelligence, gathered from spy satellites, telephone taps and tortured Irish terrorist prisoners at Guantanamo Bay that Ireland is on the verge of arming itself with the most horrible weaponry known to mankind...After my Secretary of Defence has sobered up I'll be requesting that he prepares a statement that not only he can understand for releasing to the United Nations Security Council on the danger Ireland is posing to the world".

Spoof: "Spoof reporter Fred Miller arrived early at the White House for a scheduled press conference when he noticed that Bush had stepped outside wearing a bright red suit. As he looked closer, it appeared Bush was wearing a backward-facing ballcap, a gold chain, and was armed with a large-caliber pistol, which prompted Miller to take cover from both the firearm and the blinding flash produced by the bling. Miller managed to snap a photo of Bush raising the firearm and firing a couple of slugs into some nearby shrubs, apparently testing the weapon for future use against ball-equipped reporters who are likely to ask tough questions about a Senate Intelligence Committee report released Friday."

The Spoof: "Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, 'We in the Administration are committed to having contingency plans in place that address every conceivable scenario. Let's say for instance that Cheney moves from just cursing out Patrick Leahy to actual fisticuffs. Or George Bush accidentally invades Canada. That's almost happened three times already.' Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of even more anonymity continued, 'Anyway, we can't let some stupid little thing like several thousand dead U.S. soldiers or nuking Toronto detract from our Neo-Con Agenda. So we've been in constant communication with the Union of Thugs, Losers, Dead Enders and Assassins (UTDE&A) to co-ordinate a massive Terrorist Attack on American soil in time to be able to postpone the November Elections. Once the elections are cancelled temporarily, they're cancelled forever, trust me.' "

The Spoof: "The mystery surrounding George W. Bush's prolongued absence from his unit and the loss of his service records has been solved. It has been discovered that he spent a large amount of time serving his country at the Leavenworth military prison in Kansas. A resourceful clerk at the prison became suspicious when he found a profile on a prisoner whose name had been whited out and substituted with the words, "Not to be made public". The offences for which the "Unknown" prisoner was serving his sentence were listed as, "Refusal to attend English speaking classes, Cowardice in the face of a potential posting to South East Asia and Drunk on duty".The clerk immediately put two and two together and thought, I know someone who could fit that description" and dug further to find that the mystery prisoner was none other that George W. Bush himself."

Along with their vehemently anti-Bush album, the Beastie Boys have an online game -- an update of the classic, "Frogger." Pick your favorite B-Boy and try to make it to a political rally -- without getting mowed down by the tanks of Bush, Cheney, Rummy and Condi!

Stan Moore writes:" We thank God for giving us the means to enact our righteous revenge on nations that have harmed us or who our leaders tell us would have liked to have harmed us if they would have had the means to do so. Thus, we thank God Almighty for depleted uranium and cluster bombs to decimate the Iraqi people and poison their homeland for 4.5 billion years because those Iraqis under their madman Saddam Hussein just might have harmed us some time in the future if we had sold them some more technology...Our American businessmen bless God for giving us temporary workers who will work for reduced pay and no benefits....We bless God for giving us politicians who help us out by never admitting that they are lying to us, so that we do not become upset..."

The Spoof: "In a fresh example of his failure to gauge the national mood, Dick Cheney discussed a recent bowel movement for nearly three minutes during 'Meet the Press'. A stunned Tim Russert stared - his mouth agape -- as the story unfolded. 'I'll tell you Tim,' began the VP apropos to nothing, 'I laid a turd the other day that had to be seen to be believed. In fact, it was the biggest turd I've ever seen -- let alone produced. I really wish I'd had my camera with me -- I mean the girth was as big as my forearm." Russert had by this point managed to regain his composure and instructed to control room to cut to commercials. The viewing public was cut off from sharing this special moment with Mr. Cheney at the point be had started to unbutton his shirt cuff. A thoughtful production assistant provided the remainder of the transcript for public dissemination through other means."

Verifying what had long been suspected throughout the nation, a Gallup poll confirms that nearly 85 percent of Americans find Vice President Dick Cheney to be a singularly unattractive, completely unlikable and politically disgusting man.In short, citizens find Cheney to be an "extremely ugly" person, dropping him from his usual ranking of "ugly." "Well, last time they ran, Cheney was relatively unknown," explained Chester McCracken, a political analyst for the Monsotti Institute. "Now people see him lying about WMDs, claiming a further tax cuts for rich people like himself, and telling other politicians to fuck off --""Don't forget how he called for the invasion of Iraq after avoiding Vietnam," pointed out Margo Freley, another analyst."Or how he posed as the 'smart one' in the Bush-Cheney campaign, but has really revealed himself to be a dumb sonofabitch," McCracken said, adding "It doesn't help he's such an unfortunate-looking man, either."

Check out the new anti-bush video game thats a hot sensation on the internet. You play as powerful political voices such as Howard Stern, Michael Moore, John Edwards, John Kerry, Christopher Reeve, Hulk Hogan, Mr. T, and many more! You have to battle huge monsters that represent members of the Bush Cabinet and travel to exotic Enron tax escapes like bermuda, and war zones like Iraq. All the while you're entertained and fascinated by powerful information concerning the administration's bungling of domestic and foreign policy. It's an incredibly informative and hilariously entertaining critique of the current presidential administration. (Broadband connection recommended).

Mad Kane writes, "Dear President Bush: Last week, the New York Times reported that you were renaming the Food Stamps Program and soliciting name suggestions from the general public. So I sponsored a contest which yielded nearly 200 creative suggestions from well over 100 people, submitted via comments, message board, and email. Here's the Winners' List, which you are free to use as you see fit, provided you comply with Trademark Law, Copyright Law, Contract Law, and any other law those pesky trial lawyers may come up with: FIRST PLACE (& the Winner of $10 in PayPal Cash) The Diner's Grub (Scaramouche) SECOND PLACE WMD - Weapons of Mass Digestion (J. Allen) THIRD PLACE The 'Ronald Reagan Supplemental User Card Kiosk System' - or simply 'Reagan SUCKS' program. The cards can soon be known as 'Ron Cards' or simply 'Reagans', as America's poor and hungry think about our greatest President (after Van Buren, Harding and McKinley) when they go to the supermarket. (TheTalkingDog) "

People
I mean G-O-People
Who'd believe there's such people in the world...
Now Rumsfeld
We must get rid of Rumsfeld
He's the spookiest person in the world...
No one's minding the store
What's more
Let's discuss this war we're lost in
Don't ask what it's costin'
What's a trillion or two to rule the world...
I see a
Antonin Scalia
How I dread every time he sits
Scared out of my Wolfowitz...
But things are gonna be great
Just wait
When the White House stationery
Reads President John Kerry
We'll be the luckiest people in the world."

Billions of dollars are poured into military defense and high-tech satellite military communications and first-response systems, personnel and protocols...There are no fewer than 4 military air bases within 10 minutes of D.C....the White House has access to the best communications systems available...so who are we supposed to blame for the failure to prevent a foreign attack against the US?

Jim Shea, a progressive columnist (and former Dean supporter) with the Hartford Courant describes a typical day in the "liberal media" newsroom. " After a general plan of attack is agreed upon, the Skew Editor communicates with his counterparts at other newspapers to make sure everyone has their distortions straight.... Whenever an opening for a political writer comes up, the most liberal journalist in the pool of applicants is given the job. As you may well imagine, paring down the list is extremely difficult given the left-of-communism leanings of pretty much all journalists." What is even funnier than the column itself is that rightwing blogs and conservative papers are reprinting the story widely - because, in their cluelessness (and lack of a sense of humor), they missed the joke and thought this was supposed to be a "validation" of the liberal media myth! LOL!!!

Here is Steve Bell's tribute to Bush's efforts to "uphold the flame of democracy"

"Bush would not rule out using the Patriot Act to 'smoke out' those who believe he might have made a mistake. 'The actions of these few bad apples do not represent the America that I know,' Bush said of his Newsweek naysayers. The trusted advisers who feed him his news have assured him that his approval rating is a robust 91% among right-wing chickenhawks and Halliburton executives." Yes, it's satire. We think. It gets harder to tell every day.

The Guardian presents Kimmitt's latest shocking revelations on the bombing of the alleged wedding party.....

Here's an exclusive image obtained during Thursday's questioning of Dick Cheney and George Bush by the 9/11 commission!!

Bernard Weiner quotes from the transcript: "Cheney: There are important questions of separation of powers here, Mr. Chairman. The Executive cannot be compelled by the Legislative branch to answer questions that might compromise national security and the right of the President to assert Executive Privilege... Kean: Mr. Vice President, please listen to me carefully. The question was not posed to you, but to the President. If you persist in interrupting, you will be asked to leave the room, and we will call you separately to testify later."

"A" is for John Ashcroft and the liberties he's mauled.
"B" is for Barb Bush and hub. Dub's birth is all their fault.

"C" is for Ms. Condi Rice, who speaks so many lies.
"D" is for the Dixie Chicks, who dare to Bush despise.

"E" is for our soon to be Ex-Prez George Dubya Bush.
"F" is for Al Franken, and his mean and funny Rush.

"G" is for Gen. Boykin, who believes Bush speaks with God.
"H" is for Ms. Karen Hughes, who's tall of tale and bod.

Read the rest of Mad Kane's poem!

Monty Python's Terry Jones writes: "Everyone agrees that pResident George Bush's lobotomy has been a tremendous success. Dick Cheney, the vice-president, declared that he was fully satisfied with it from his point of view. 'Without the lobotomy,' Mr Cheney told the American Academy of Neurology, 'it might have proved difficult to persuade the president to start wars all around the world without any good pretext. But the removal of those parts of the brain associated with understanding the outcome of one's actions has enabled the president to function fully and without hesitation. Even when it is clear that disaster is around the corner, as it is currently in Iraq, the chief executive is able to go on TV and announce that everything is on course and that he has no intention of changing tactics that have already proved disastrous."

Bernard Weiner writes: "The Silicon Valley scientist-friend who introduced me to 'B.S. Away' several months ago, invited me to visit again for a second tryout of his new truth-spray invention. After watching Condoleezza Rice's slip-and-slide performance before the 9/11 Commission, and the U.S. military spin on the unraveling events in Iraq, I couldn't resist. 'Your spray worked like magic last time,' I said. 'I know before your patent is granted that you're not allowed to tell me too much about how it works, but, just between you and me, how does it work?' 'Quit kidding around and just use the stuff,' he replied, and handed me a little spray bottle. I raced home to try it again, on Rice and Iraq-spin and Ashcroft. I found a re-broadcast of Condi's testimony and spritzed the 'B.S. Away' on the TV. Here's what I got..."

When Condoleezza Rice speaks out
Does anybody buy her?
It's hard to fathom how she fumbled warnings, oh so dire.

"Historic," Condoleezza shouts
About that August briefing.
I guess that's why that PDB did catch the Bushies sleeping.

Read the rest of Mad Kane's poem!

Dark times call for dark humor and there are few things more darkly humorous than Bush on the campaign trail! Here is Cheryl Seal's weekend political photo gallery.

"Bush wishes to thank the Planned Parenthood Federation of America for creating the catchy, trademarked motto 'Responsible Choices' which the White House decided last month to appropriate as the slogan for the administration's abstinence-only sex education program. 'Planned Parenthood offers actual choices, while we really just offer one choice - abstinence - so we thought about just taking the 'Responsible Choice' part and leaving them with the 's's',' explained the president [sic]. 'But then we figured, if you're going to flatter somebody's stuff, you might as well flatter all of it.' With this latest adulatory effort, the White House continues a tradition of unauthorized flattery that began in 2001, when the administration was so impressed with the Children's Defense Fund's registered slogan 'Leave No Child Behind' that it confiscated the phrase for the White House's 'No Child Left Behind' program."

Cheryl Seal writes, "Once more, Deep Throat II has come through. Lulu, a mouse in the White House kitchen, was told by her cousin Fritz, who has a bachelor pad in the floor of a West Wing conference room, about a secret meeting between Karl Rove, Bush and Dick Cheney. In this meeting, the three men mapped out Bush's plans for 2004-2008 should he be reelected. Deep Throat II found Fritz's story so fantastic that he felt he must have proof. In a daring escapade, he and Fritz made a midnight raid on Karl Rove's 'secret box.' The secret box is a locked metal case kept hidden in the back of the closet in Karl's office, hidden beneath the Whole Foods health store bags that hold Karl's secret stash of Devil Dogs and cheese curls (its the only way he can smuggle them into his office past Bush, who believes Karl's inability to lose weight is due to a 'pituitary problem.')."

On his Feb. 4 radio show, Rush Limbaugh asked, "which candidate do you think Al-Qaeda might root for in this election, John Kerry or George W. Bush?" From "somewhere near Kandahar," an anonymous Al Qaeda official said "we must say that Bush is the man for us, without a doubt. At first we were not sure. After America defeated the Taliban in 2001, we had no friendly government to support us, and we feared that Bush would pursue us further. But we are most pleased to see that he has instead listened to your Richard Perle and your Richard Cheney, and undertaken this most foolish war and occupation in Iraq. Quite honestly, we were on the ropes there for a while. The membership drive was sputtering, and our pledge week on Public Islamist Radio was not going so well either, even though we offered our listeners 'Osama Lives!' tote bags for a nominal contribution. But now, thanks to your diverting war in Iraq, we have all the recruits we will need for quite some time." So blogs Michael Berube.

Go ahead! We dare ya! Of course, Karl Rove will have his media syncophants say that "Bush's unpretentiousness -- his ability to just be himself -- is so refreshing!" Chris Matthews will even call it a "Churchillian moment!" Ann Coulter will add, "It's fragrant and lovely, and by the way, Democrats are evil, and we should invade more Islamic countries, bomb their mosques and convert them to Christianity!"

"Remember when John Kerry shook hands with Stalin, or when George Bush walked on the moon? Neither do they. Democratic presidential hopeful Kerry has already seen a glimpse of a parallel life with the faked photograph that appeared on the internet and in British newspapers, showing him sharing a podium with Jane Fonda, who was a mere two years away. Now you can also hit the 'shampaign trail' by sending in your own mock-ups of the likely presidential candidates. Help liven up the build-up to the US elections by entering our photograph-doctoring competition!"

Mad Kane writes: "In honor of George W. Bush's 2003 State of the Union Address, I'm pleased to present my first interactive crossword puzzle."

"A humble foreign policy,
Bush promised way back when.
Then wages war preemptively.
For bloodshed Dubya yens.

"Compassionate conservative,
Bush said that's what he'd be.
Then saves all his compassion for
Big biz and industry."

Read the rest of Mad Kane's poem!

From LiberalOasis.com: "Viewing the great selection of amateur political ads being generated over at MoveOn.org's 'Bush in 30 Seconds' competition, I decided to work up my own bit. I misunderstood the rules, however, and didn't realize that the resulting film was supposed to last 30 seconds... I thought that was the amount of thought one was supposed to put into it. Anyway, here's your pal Mark Spittle's very own anti-Bush ad. It came in too late to submit to MoveOn.org, but it broke a few of the competition rules anyway. Too bad, because I think of all the political ads ever made, this one truly captures what we really want to hear during an election cycle. And, as always, everything in it is absolutely, irrefutably true." Recommended for Mature Audiences only!

Karl Rove (through satirist Bernard Weiner) writes: "If we work it right, it'll be foreigners who wind up getting killed every night, rather than American kids. And thus we will have neutralized the Iraq issue at home just enough to slide by on Election Day. Sometime after our electoral victory, if the situation is right, Rummy and Cheney and their neo-con friends can start doing what they really want to do in changing the culture of the Middle East: re-institute the military draft, send more troops back into Iraq for major fighting if they're needed, start leaning really heavily on Syria and Iran to effect democratic change or else, maybe start out by attacking in Lebanon or Somalia. Get that damn region under control...Once those military actions start, it'll be rally-'round-the-flag time again, support the President, back the troops, get those terrorists, stirring photo-ops, and so on and so on. Americans never seem to get tired of the old patriotic rituals, bless their hearts."

Check it out! (Batteries not included)

Mad Kane writes: "It's time for my Second Annual Dubya Quote Quiz (You'll find my First Annual Dubya Quote Quiz here). As I said last year, Dubya's use of the English language is so ... uh ... creative, that it's often hard to tell a made-up quote from the real enchilada. So once again, as a public service, I offer a Dubya Quote Quiz, this one based exclusively on quotes from 2003. Each question consists of four quotes -- three of which George Dubya really said last year and one of which is a fictitious quote straight out of my satirical Dubya's Dayly Diary. So have a good time testing your Bush quote knowledge. You'll find a link to the answers at the end. No cheating now!"

If you dare to use an almanac,
The Feds are on your case.
You may swear you're not a maniac,
But charges you could face.

Cause those books are filled with many facts
An evil man could use.

Read the rest of Mad Kane's poem!

(AP) Jan 9, 2004 - Eminent Internet activist Jim Mooney (www.corporatecrimefighters.com), in remarks before the United Nations, today proposed a Bush Mission to Mars. "Combining boost-phase technology from our space-partners the Russians, it should be possible for a crash NASA program to get Bush on his way to Mars within two months. Considerable weight savings can be made by scuttling the navigation system and return vehicle. After all, if Mr. Bush can hit an aircraft carrier he can certainly find a whole planet."Mr. Mooney further observed that a Bush Mission to Mars, in addition to advancing space exploration, would solve several pressing problems here on earth, such as the burgeoning Federal deficit, joblessness, environmental destruction, increasing wealth disparity, corporate corruption and various impending wars of conquest.

(To the tune of 'Lyin' Eyes' by the Eagles)

"The Bush boys seem to find out real easy
How your daddy's name will slide you right on in
A rich old man and he don't have to worry
Daddy's money and his name, are sure to win

"Later on, he stands up in front of that big sign
'Mission Accomplished' seemed so pat and nice
And it breaks their hearts, all those many families
To think they've given their all for such a price"

Read the rest of Liam Wescott's song parody!

Alexandar H., age 14, writes in 'The Easiest Way To Become President Without Being Elected': "1) Make sure you are a Republican. America looks the other way when Republicans commit election crimes. 2) Make sure that your dad is rich, a CIA director, Congressman, Vice President and President. That way he can fix all your problems and use his influence to help you. If this does not describe your father, consider becoming a janitor. The odds of success are better. 3) Don't worry about grades in school. All that's needed is daddy's influence to get into higher schools and jobs that straight A students get turned away from." Also: 'How To Stay In The White House Even When Everyone Hates You' and 'Best Ways To Lose A Presidential Nomination.'

Got Saddam jailed cause he wouldn't cave in.
Doo-dah! doo-dah!
My pals back home got a pocket full of tin.
Oh! De doo-dah day!

Goin' to run all night.
Goin' to run all day.
I'll bet my second term is in the bag.
Won't even bother to pray.

Read the rest of Mad Kane's song parody!

Rich Procter writes in Salon: "Your coverage of 'President Gives American Troops the Bird' was adequately fawning and obsequious. But failure to continue to grovel will be severely punished."

There's a right wingnut based in the White House.
End that right wingnut's stay in the White House.
His lies are piled high as an elephant's eye,
And it looks like they're climbin' clear up to the sky.

Oh what a mis'rable failure.
Dubya, great pal of Ken Lay.
Stop all his lies. Tell him, "Up yours!"
Dump Georgie Bush. Make my day

Read the rest of Mad Kane's song parody!

"Thanks to the efforts of the tireless Bush and Blair PR teams, countless photo ops were arranged along the Bush tour route! White house spokespeople say rumors of "Potemkin Villages" were completely false and that all scenarios and well-wishers encountered by Bush were absolutely authentic. Cheryl Seal has managed to obtain a sneak preview of "Time's" upcoming special commemorative issue: "The Bushes in England Photo Album"!

"They're bugging the walls at Buckingham Palace
Christopher Robin went down with Alice
'You'd think the King had never a care--
But look at that 'copter hovering there!'
Said Alice"

Read the rest of Nina Dee's poem!

The Brits not only know how to stage a good protest, they know how to have a good time while doing it. Like this outlandishly dressed group of "rebel clowns" who marched in London. For a good laugh, scroll down to "CLOWN BREACHES SECURITY." Now that's a REAL clown!

He's a saint, Ronald Reagan, he's a saint!
You'll be sorry if you dare to say, he ain't.
A fine bloke who's kind and cunning,
Beat the Russians, great with money.
He's a saint, Ronald Reagan, he's a saint!

Reagan's great, scream the wingnuts. Stop that flick!
Don't you dare disparage Reagan. They'll be ticked!
They'll go off and say we're haters,
Threaten boycotts, claim we're traitors.

Read the rest of Mad Kane's song parody!

I didn't do it. Not my fault!
Maybe 'twas some sailor.
Banners ain't my thing at all.
I was with my tailor.

Sure I looked great standing there,
Banner boldly waving.
Telling folks I won la guerre.
Showing off my bravery.

I didn't do it. Not my fault!
It's because of Clinton.

The rest is here.

Down is up. Up is down.
Spinners wield lies that confound.
Claimin' that our troubles really prove: We win!
Spreadin' Bush baloney, Dubya smirks as he spins.

You got no money and you got no home.
Prayin' Bush throws a bone.
Talkin' 'bout your troubles, Dubya feigns concern.
Bush pals gainin' money that they surely didn't earn.

Read of rest of Mad Kane's song parody!

Bernard Weiner takes a peek into George Bush's diary: "It doesn't look good for the elections next year, even with all Karl's advance planning and with our tricky electoral moves in Texas, California, Colorado, and elsewhere...Things are spinning out of control. The internal fights are getting even more vicious; I may have to call in the U.N. peacekeepers to separate State and Defense, and the CIA and White House. I issue an order commanding everyone in the administration to stop leaking to the press -- and the g-ddamn order is immediately leaked!... People used to be afraid of us and would do what we told them. Is this the handwriting on the wall? They know we're weaker now and could possibly be booted out, and so they can ignore our power? I don't want to think that way; they're just cowards and traitors, out for publicity and a book-contract."

"George Dubya's mom goes on TV
To plug her book and whine.
She brags about her Forty-three.
Says Dems shouldn't Dub malign."

Read the rest of Mad Kane's poem.

"A law was made by order of the Bush here
He thinks he's king, the rest of us are sots
And there's his legal limit to our rights here
Thanks a lot !

"The media is forbidden to remember
The way Bush helps rich buddies take the lot
Redistricts kill the votes we cast November
Thanks a lot!"

Read the rest of Jerry Politex's song parody!

General Boykin's Ballad
We're at war against Satan?
A startling idea!
That explains all the hatin'
And mongering fear.

Read the rest of Mad Kane's song!

"MADKANE: Secretary Rumsfeld, welcome. And thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule for this interview.
RUMSFELD: It's my pleasure, Ms. Kane. I'm always happy to talk to a lovely lady.
MADKANE: Now you're not trying to disarm me, are you?
RUMSFELD: That all depends. Do you have any connections to Iraq?
MADKANE: That's a good one, Mr. Secretary. You're quite the kidder.
RUMSFELD: I wasn't kidding.
MADKANE: Well, in that case, no. I don't have any connections to...
RUMSFELD: Okay, I was kidding.
MADKANE: Which brings me to your reputation for using humor to diffuse tense situations.
RUMSFELD: I see you've boned up on military lingo."

"An evil filter is the press.
They lie and say Iraq's a mess.
Though things are going great down there,
You'll never hear it on the air.

A bomb or two or three or four.
That's all they speak of -- blood and gore.
Ignoring good news, that's their beat.
The lib'ral press wants my defeat."

Read the rest of Mad Kane's song parody!

The scandal started with a Niger lie
About nuke matter Saddam never did buy.
But Dubya would not let that falsehood die.
It's Traitorgate, it's Traitorgate.

Then Joseph Wilson loudly whistle blew. He told the public that the story's untrue,
That based on lies Bush had a war pushed through.
It's Traitorgate, it's Traitorgate."

Read the rest of Mad Kane's song parody!

"Bush wants to wash the French right out of his hair.
Old Europe France does things he simply can't bear.
If only France was out of George Bush's hair.
He'd always get his way.

It's France's fault that Saddam never disarmed.
It's France's fault that U.S. soldiers were harmed.
It's France's fault that Bush can't find Iraq arms.
The French are in the way."

Read the rest of Mad Kane's song parody.

"We now have credible evidence that Al Qaeda is associated with the Atmosphere, a shadowy force known to perpetrate hurricanes, including this week's audacious assault on our nation's capital. Al Qaeda and Taliban fighters are known to have taken advantage of bad weather caused by the Atmosphere during the Afghan war. Potentially dangerous elements -- oxygen, for example -- are in the Atmosphere all over the world.... Cowardly appeasers will say our first task is to get houses repaired and power restored. The treasonous Blame America First extremists will whine out apologetics for the Atmosphere, saying that our fossil fuel exhausts have provoked it, that we should coddle its ozone layer, that we should not blame the Atmosphere for a hurricane that has itself shown no mercy to the innocent. But we must come to terms with something: the Atmosphere is not merely uncooperative. It is not just a jealous would-be competitor for global dominance. The Atmosphere is becoming our enemy."

"Bush spoke out Monday in support of a revised version of the 2001 USA Patriot Act that would make it illegal to read the USA Patriot Act. 'Under current federal law, there are unreasonable obstacles to investigating and prosecuting acts of terrorism, including the public's access to information about how the federal police will investigate and prosecute acts of terrorism,' Bush said at a press conference Monday. 'For the sake of the American people, I call on Congress to pass this important law prohibiting access to itself.' Bush also proposed extending the rights of states to impose the death penalty 'in the wake of Sept. 11 and stuff.'"

"Here I am, stuck here at this big pile of limestone with a lunatic and a pack of uptight suits who could use some primal scream therapy. That ballon-faced guy, Karl Rove, especially, makes my skin crawl. He's all cute and lovey dovey with me whenever G. W. is around (as cute and lovey dovey as someone who looks like an evil version of the Pillsbury Dough Boy can be, anyway). But the other day when G.W. went down the hall to ask Condi a question, he kicked me and told me I looked like a yak someone had cut off at the knees. Laura's not too bad, but I don't think they can raise her Prozac dose any higher without killing her..."

"If you criticize the White House, you're a fool.
Nothing more than an Al Qaeda pal and tool.
If you criticize the White House,
If you criticize the White House,
If you criticize the White House, you're a fool.

"If you dare to bash the Bushies, then watch out.
Cause they know they're always right, they have no doubts.
If you dare to bash the Bushies,
If you dare to bash the Bushies,
If you dare to bash the Bushies, then watch out.

"If you criticize George Dubya, you're disloyal.
And you're messing with his plans to pump some oil.
If you criticize George Dubya,
If you criticize George Dubya,
If you criticize George Dubya, you're disloyal."

The rest of Mad Kane's parody is here with a sing-along midi link.

Fractured photo captions, images from the front lines in Iraq, and gallery of WTO protest photos from around the world.

Don't go blaming
George Bush for blackouts.
Electric grids are such a bore.
mmm......... mmm........

Don't imagine
He's too familiar
With anything but waging war.

He says he'll fix it,
Track down the trouble,
He always thought the grid was poor.
mmm......... mmm........

He'll call on Congress
To solve the grid mess.
And when in doubt blame Clinton/Gore.

Read the rest of Mad Kane's song parody!

BUSH: "Okay, listen.. I'm just gonna get this Address thing over with. As we assess the State of the American Union today, we have reason to hope, because.. [ takes out a map which shows California and Florida as islands, Texas in Communist Mexico, and the Great Lakes on fire ] Holy crap! When did all this happen?! Wow... the Great Lakes are on fire - even I know that's not good. [ laughs ] Okay, America, we got a lot of problems. I ain't gonna lie to you. But with the help of Vice-President Dick Cheney..Voice of Advisor: You killed him in a hunting accident! Bush: Okay, fine! Not a problem. 'Cause I've been working hard, I got a plan that's gonna solve all of it - from the deficit, to foreign relations, to that hole in the sun. Two words, America: Ostrich Meat." SNL Nov. 2000

Spying days are here again.
You aren't safe from evil men.
One might even be a real close friend.
Spying days are here again.

Patriots should pass my law.
Cause privacy is such a bore.
If you aren't doing nothing wrong,
Then you're safe behind your door.

Your cares and troubles are gone,
Cause George and I'm on the job.

Spying days are here again.
We'll check you out. You won't know when.

Read the rest of Mad Kane's parody!

Living under the Bush Reich, it is tempting to sink into a black depression, grow an ulcer, or hit hard objects with your bare fists. The alternative, of course, is humor - an antidote the typical Bushite knows nothing about!

Oh! You better watch out,
you better not cry,
you better not pout,
I'm telling you why:
John Ashcroft is coming to town!

He's making a list,
He's checking it twice,
gonna find out who's naughty or nice:
John Ashcroft is coming to town!

They'll know when you're speaking out,
They'll know when you dissent,
They'll know when you don't salute,
But they won't tell where you're sent!

Hooray for the old red, white and blue.
Carnivore and Magic Lantern, too:
John Ashcroft is coming to town.

Closed trials and secret arrests,
All in store for those he detests:
John Ashcroft is coming to town.

Wire taps and pen registers,
Just fun toys for justice jesters:
John Ashcroft is coming to town.

Agents in U-S spyland will have a jubilee,
They're gonna fill their data banks,
With the scoop on you and me.

Ohh.You better watch out, you better not cry,
You better not pout, I'm telling you why:
John Ashcroft is coming to town.

Borowitz reports, "In a proposal that the White House called 'intriguing,' the Iraqi Governing Council today offered to exchange Iraq's crumbling infrastructure for America's crumbling infrastructure... 'We would like to trade our third world electricity grid for the U.S.'s third world electricity grid, straight up,' said council president Ibrahim Jafari in a televised speech that reached the estimated 1% of the country with power... While many in the Bush administration think the Iraqi proposals are well worth considering, others as the White House are saying 'not so fast.' A faction in the Administration prefers a deal that would exchange America's third world electricity grid for a first world electricity grid, such as the one in Norway... In a heated Cabinet meeting last night, Deputy Secretary of Defense Paul Wolfowitz urged that the U.S. take Norway's first world electricity grid by force, if necessary. 'It's time to show the Norwegians who's who,' Wolfowitz reportedly said.'"

Fair and balanced,
Fair and balanced.
Empty slogans, rabid views, and shrill rants.
Fox calls critics liars.
O'Reilly's filled with angst and ire.

Fair and balanced,
Fair and balanced.
Words that don't describe the Fox News talents.
Yet, Fox says it owns them.
Sued Penguin Books and wit Al Franken.

Try, try, try to criticize them.
Face litigation.

See the rest of Mad Kane's song parody!

Oh beautiful for specious lies
And fake bin Laden tapes
For yellow-cake uranium
and evidence that's baked.
America, America
There's oil don't you see?
Though it's a sham,
I'll bomb Saddam
So there'll be more for me!

Oh beautiful for corporate crime
For Enron, Brown, and Root
For Gates and Lay and Uncle Dick
God bless the Carlyle Group!
America, America
Your pensions have been spent
On drugs and clothes
For CEOs
You'll never see a cent."

Sing along at the Fallout Shelter!

"There's a yellow Bush in Texas, that's where he loves to be.
Where Dub can dodge the media, evading scrutiny.
He cries so when he leaves there, it nearly breaks his heart.
Let's help him lib'ral voters, from Crawford never part.

"Dubya's hiding out in Texas, where he so loves to flee.
He drags his top aides with him, to swelter in the heat."

See Mad Kane's song parody!

"Condoleezza, Condoleezza, Dub adores you.
You're so fine at saying falsehoods with a smile.
Is it cause you're female, Condi, that they've blamed you
For your fabulosa fakery and guile?

"Do you smile to tempt the press men, Condoleezza?
Or is this your way to hide your lying art?"

Read the rest of Mad Kane's song parody!

From Morons.org: "Sanford, a division of Newell Rubbermaid, maker of the Sharpie permanent marker has stepped forward to take the heat for Bush's recent flag desecration. Pictured to the right you can see Bush using a Sharpie to pen his signature over the stars and bars in a display of supreme arrogance. A spokesman for Sharpie, Harry Tuttle, told morons.org, 'we should have known when Bush's aides were buying Sharpie permanent markers before a stop where small American Flags might be found that he might be mislead by their ability to mark on most any surface and apply that knowledge inappropriately.' Tuttle revealed that an incident with a Sharpie was narrowly avoided back in October in which Bush was about to draw a mustache and beard on George Washington's face on a dollar bill."

Want to help search for WMDs? Go to Google.com, type "weapons of mass destruction" in the search bar, then hit "I'm feeling lucky" instead of the usual search option....The results are more for real than the David Kay-Bush "search"!!

Mad Kane writes: "Many people have expressed dismay at the new White House email system. But though it's certainly annoying, the one we almost got was quite a bit worse. Had relatively sane minds not prevailed, would-be emailers would have had to contend with this: WHITE HOUSE EMAIL QUESTIONNAIRE (Secreted out of the White House & sent to Mad Kane by a very brave White House aide, whom I shall call 'Deep Dubya') In order to ensure that patriotic, God-fearing Americans are able to communicate efficiently and effectively with President George W. Bush, we have developed the following questionnaire, consisting of 13 multiple choice questions. Please email your answers to John.Ashcroft@WeKnowWhoYouAre.gov. Your responses will be thoroughly reviewed, and if we like them, we will send you top secret contact data, which will allow you to communicate directly with staffers of President Bush's staffers' staffers. And if we don't like your answers, don't worry. You'll be hearing from us too."

"Come on all of you big strong men,
W Bush needs your help again.
He's gotten our troops in a terrible jam;
They're sittin' ducks in Iraq-istan
so put down your books and pick up a gun,
we're gonna have a whole lotta fun.

"And it's one, two, three,
What are we fighting for?
Don't ask me, I don't give a damn,
Next stop's Iraq-istan;

"And it's five, six, seven,
Open up the pearly gates,
Well there ain't no time to wonder why,
Whoopie! We're all gonna die.

"Come on Rumsfeld, let's move fast;
Your big chance has come at last.
Gotta go out and get those reds --
The only good terrorist is one that's dead
You know that peace can only be won
When we've blown 'em all to kingdom come."

Read the rest of this Democrats.com song parody!

"I say the words that other people write.
Don't give a damn if they are wrong or right.
As long as folks think war is justified.
I say the words, I say the words.

"The CIA warned that my speech was wrong.
A certain claim just simply didn't belong.
I had to dupe and scare the milling throngs.
I say the words, I say the words."

Read the rest of Mad Kane's song parody!

"Bring them on!
Bring them on!
Play the mucho macho man,
Though you'll get no closer than
Speeches on the White House lawn...
Bring them on!

Bring them on!
Bring them on!
Taunt them to attack our troops,
Say we'll stay the course, and... (oops,
Where on Earth has Dubya gone?)
Bring them on!"

Read the rest of Steve Bates' song!

Mad Kane writes: "In honor of WinWithoutWar and MoveOn.org's Bush the Misleader campaign, I've written Bush Misleads to be sung to 'Let It Be' by Lennon/McCartney."

"We must drive ourselves in times of trouble.
Mustn't tarry, must be free.
We shall work to oust him. Bush misleads.

For in our hour of darkness
Bush is fueled by ego, fueled by greed.
We shall work to oust him. Bush misleads.

Bush misleads, Bush misleads,
Bush misleads you and me.
We shall work to oust him. Bush misleads."

Read the rest of her song parody!

Thanks to the wonders of Flash, you can see the video of Bush (and Blair) singing 'I Want to Take You To a Gay Bar.' While they're at it, they just happen to start a nuclear war.

"How many wars must a President start
Without any reason at all?
How much ill will must a President cause
Until he at last takes the fall?
How many wars must a President launch
Because he is greedy for oil?
The answer my friend is dump Republicans.
The answer is dump Republicans."

Read the rest of Mad Kane's song parody!

[Saddam] I'm Saddam.
Saddam I am.
I do not like you,
Uncle Sam.
[Sam] Would you like
to bomb Iran?
We'll sell you weapons,
despite the ban.
[Saddam] I would not like to bomb Iran!
Praise be to Allah, and Koran!
Read the rest - apologies to Dr. Seuss...

"THE PRESIDENT [sic]: Good afternoon. Today, I'm taking just a few minutes off from scarfing down pork rinds at my daddy's 79th birthday party to bring glorious news to the American people. After months and months of fruitlessly scouring the charred carcas of Iraq for some shred of evidence to justify my killing more innocent civilians than died on 9/11, I'm pleased to say that documents newly recovered from Saddam bin Hussein's safe prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that this nefarious evildoer was actively scheming with rogue regimes to acquire vast quantities of WMDs. And while I have not had an opportunity to examine the papers myself, I have the utmost faith in the competence of those persons in the Central Intelligence Agency to whom I delegated the task of covering my ass."

"June 9, 2003 -- Dear Diary -- I've been too busy wagin war, ta write here fer a real long time. But I'm in between wars right now, so I'll try ta catch up. I'm just back from tourin too many countries ta count. And none of em compares ta the ranch -- which Chirac isn't gettin invited ta. But I gave Vlad Putin a ranch invite, just ta rub that Frenchy's nose in it. Even though I'm none too pleased these days with Pootie Poot neither. But Condy said punishin Chirac'd work a whole lot better if I pretended ta forgive one of them old Europe types. And no way was I gonna pretend ta forgive Schroeder." Read more at Mad Kane's website!

"Hi. I'm Ann Coulter asking you to write to President [sic] Bush and ask him to pardon our good Christian friend Eric Robert Rudolph. Eric was only doing what the religious far right has been suggesting all along. Kill God's enemies. He was just destroying the evil ones, the liberals, the abortionist, the gays and lesbians. He should get the Purple Heart, not gas chamber."

Diane Stingley writes: "In a 9-3 decision, the Supreme Court ruled today in the case of United States of America vs. the Dixie Chicks that the Bill of Rights is unconstitutional. Writing for the majority, Justice Rehnquist made it clear that the court wasn't completely opposed to freedom of speech, religion, assembly, etc., but that the Bill of Rights as written was simply too vague and could, therefore, be used in the wrong way by people opposed to our democratic way of life.' 'We have to always keep in mind,' the decision goes on to say, 'there was no al-Qaida in 1776. King George was no Saddam Hussein. We have bigger fish to fry than the founding fathers could have ever imagined. If people can assemble whenever they want, and say whatever they want, and then the press is free to report whatever those people said when they assembled, without any guidelines or restrictions, that's just an open invitation to anarchy and terrorism.' The minority decision was not presented."

Ari, Ari,
Please don't leave me.
Ari, Ari,
You were all I hoped you would be.
Oh, Ari, Ari,
Ari, Ari, please guarantee
Through reelection you will still be here with me

Ari, Ari,
Love your bald pate.
Ari, Ari,
And that you don't equivocate.
One Monday morning you gave me a warning
Of what is to be.
Oh, Ari, Ari, you can't leave. I'm not home free.

Read the rest of Mad Kane's song parody!

Christie Whitman went to town
To do George Dubya's bidding.
For power acted like a clown,
Enviro head unfitting.

Those who've smelled New Jersey's stink
Got what they expected.
Water that's unsafe to drink
And air that should be tested

Read the rest of Mad Kane's parody!

Mad King George wants Saddam to "disarm". Saddam tries to turn over his weapons, but Rumsfool rejects every gesture. In the end, the Mad King orders his "Republican Guards" to "disarm" Saddam. Enjoy Michael Stark's flash satire.

Bye bye Mitch,
Mitch D's quit, he says,
He helped make a mess,
I sure ain't gonna cry.

Bye bye Mitch,
Bye bye insolence,
And incompetence,
He's not my kind of guy.
I sure ain't gonna cry.

There goes Mitch Daniels to something new.
He'll run for office. I hope he'll lose.
He was Dub's henchman, till Daniels quit.
Good-bye to Mitch Daniels' fiscal myths.

Bye bye Mitch,
Mitch D's quit, he says,
He helped make a mess,
I sure ain't gonna cry.

Enjoy Mad Kane's latest song parody.

Everyone considered him the coward of the country
He never went to Vietnam though he thought it a just war
His mamma named him Georgie, the folks just called him Dubya
But something always told me he was looking for a war

He spent Vietnam safely hidden in the Air Guard
Life looked after Dubya cause he was his father's son
I still recall the fateful words when daddy lost to Clinton
"Son, my career's over, but yours has just begun"

Read the rest of Mark Hooligan's song parody!

"Ever since the terrorist acts of 9/11, I'm seeing the American Flag being marketed to consumers in every possible way, on every possible item. Bumper stickers, decals, commemorative plates, t-shirts, car antennas, screensavers, e-mails, billboards, grocery bags, toys...the list is endless, and they bear the flag for no other reason than to make money and prey on our patriotic spirit. The Marketing Scum know that consumers are quick to embrace trends, especially if it makes them feel better about themselves, and so it's no wonder that the flag is being slapped on everything imaginable. (People seem to think that waving a flag makes them better Americans. It doesn't. Patriotism is more a matter of community than a matter of how many and how high we wave our flags.)"

Call 'em Traitor Dixie Chicks, tell you why,
Insulting Bush besmirches apple pie.
So when they try to sing and play and dance,
Man, they haven't got a chance.

They call 'em Traitor Chicks, Traitor Chicks, oh Traitor, Traitor, Traitor,
Traitor Chicks, Traitor Chicks, oh Traitor, Traitor, Traitor,
Traitor Chicks, Traitor Chicks, oh Traitor, Traitor, Traitor,
Traitor Chicks!

Did a nudie cover pose, tell you why,
They're using humor to combat the lies.
The wingnuts diss 'em till they can't see straight,
Though those Dixie Chicks are great!

Enjoy Mad Kane's latest song parody!

(To the tune of the "Yellow Rose of Texas")

"There are Taliban from Texas who want to run the world
Their crossbone-spangled banner's triumphantly unfurled
They trample on the Bill of Rights and mock democracy
The Taliban from Texas have it in for you & me."

Read the Rest of Bob Riedel's song!

Cheryl Seal Reports: "Seems the Mobile Exploitation Team Alpha, (META) is claiming to - at last! be hot on the trail of some REAL HONEST TO GOD WMDs. The META is, essentially a couple vans that have been frantically driving around Iraq trying to dig up evidence of WMDs, and, also, trying to ditch the reporters who keep following them. Now META has suddenly claimed to have found an 'Iraqi scientist' who not only has produced 'evidence' of WMDs, he has these great explanations for why they haven't showed up before now. Ya ready for this? They were, basically INVISIBLE. Er...at least the ones not ditched at the very last minute by Saddam...or sent to Syria...or buried by mysterious scientists in baseball hats...."

Iranian.com's Fred Goozman writes, "For nearly a quarter of a century, tyrants in Tehran have repeatedly defied the wishes of the international community for the free flow of Shiraz wine. Despite all our diplomatic efforts to find a peaceful solution to this threat to our national and world security, Iran's ruthless mullahs have rejected our final offer to either drink with us, or be dunked by us. "Therefore, the United States has built a broad international coalition consisting of Malta and Halliwineburton with the intention of enforcing Resolution FU-UN 142 which demands the immediate resumption of wine exports. "We warn the Iranian regime NOT TO SET FIRE TO THE VINEYARDS. Any attempts at destroying these precious lands, which belong to the people of Iran, of course, will only strengthen our resolve and result in even greater punishment against the perpetrators."

Mark Hoolihan writes: "Section 1 The term PATRIOT will henceforth refer to those whose actions, words, thoughts and lifestyle are always 100% in line with the policies of the CURRENT ADMINISTRATION. By extension therefore, all those who do not meet these criteria are to be regarded as TRAITORS and UNAMERICAN, to be deprived of all rights not already removed by this act and PATRIOTI... Article III All printed and electronic messages that do not meet the criteria of Article II, Section I will be labeled 'liberal media'. Recognizing that in a post-Monica Lewinsky world the very term 'liberal media' is a joke, the offending individuals will actually be prosecuted as TRAITORS and UNAMERICAN pursuant to Article II, Section I. In addition, all media which can be regarded as more liberal than Rush Limbaugh will be labeled 'liberal media' and all media regarded as to the right on the Limbaugh scale will be labeled 'objective' and therefore PATRIOTIC."

Bob Ocegueda writes: "I am sorry for what is happening to my country, the United States of America. A relatively small faction of the Power Elite have high jacked the nation and are trying to turn the Republic into a world Empire (and we should be aware that Empire is not compatible with Democracy) Regardless of what the propaganda, or in 'newspeak', the 'spin', may say about this war being for 'liberating' Iraq and bringing democracy to the country, this war was planned and sought after long before the 911 attack. 'Liberation' and 'Democracy' for Iraq are simply Public Relations slogans to cover up what they planned to do all along. Before we get swept in the delirium of 'Liberation' we must wait and see how an administration that came into power by stealing our election, will teach the Iraqis about Democracy. Here is an animation I made on the subject with some relevant links."

No doubt you've already read Slate's collection of The Poetry of D.H. Rumsfeld. But Slate overlooked one Don Rummy poem...

Don Rumsfeld wants some muting
Of news that he's disputing
And photos he's refuting,
Cause we've won every fray.

So what if Baghdad's lawless?
Democracy ain't flawless.
Who cares if there's some chaos
In our Baghdad today?

Read the rest of Mad Kane's Rummy Poem...

You don't have to be a US soldier in Iraq to play with timely trading cards! The Infinite Jest ("like The Onion, only bitter") has produced a very impressive deck. Scroll to the bottom for links to yet more timely trading cards!

Borowitz reports, "Jubilant Iraqi citizens in Baghdad today toppled a statue of one of Saddam Hussein's many look-alikes, throwing their shoes at the gigantic head of the Iraqi strongman's body double. 'We took a good look at the statue, and couldn't decide whether it was really of Saddam or just one of his doubles,' said a joyous but cautious Iraqi, jumping up and down on the statue's fallen face. 'We tore it down anyway, just to be sure.' Saddam, legendary for his paranoia, was said to have erected over ninety statues of his body doubles in cities across Iraq. It was his hope, Saddam experts say, that the proliferation of statues representing his body doubles would make it impossible for citizens to know which ones to topple if and when his regime came to an end... In other Iraq news, a flag for the restaurant chain Hooters was briefly hoisted over central Baghdad today before being taken down out of fear of offending local sensibilities."

Check out Bill Blackmon's weblog: "Tracking the rise of corporate fascism and general stupidity in the U.S. (fas-cism n. A system of government that exercises a dictatorship of the extreme right, typically through the merging of state and business leadership, together with belligerent nationalism. - The American Heritage Dictionary, Houghton Mifflin Co., 1983) This weblog is satire. While these words have not been spoken in public, take my word as a sixth generation Texan, I have heard them all before and until now I've had the Good Sense to keep my mouth shut. No More."

FalloutShelterNews.com writes, "Because we are growing weary of deleting mail from the inbred and clueless, we feel it has become necessary to lay down a few rules for those who feel compelled to send us the inane musings of their last, festering brain cell. Rule #1 If you are contemplating sending such a missive, please be aware that we, at the Fallout Shelter, will no longer accept hate mail that contains 3, (or more), gross misspellings and/or painfully contorted grammatical errors. That's right, folks. Three strikes and you're out. Let's look at some helpful examples... While we welcome all high-quality hate mail, please be aware that there is a really good chance we will assume you are submitting it for publication. If we choose to use it, we will make no attempt to conceal your e-mail address, and it is extremely likely that it will be passed around on the pro-democracy message boards like a cheap whore. If you are easily upset by public ridicule, it is not our problem.'"

Don't cry for Dick's Halliburton.
The truth is he never left you.
All through his Veep days,
His mad existence,
He kept his promise.
He went the distance.

Dick sired the deal, Halliburton.
The truth is he really came through.
For you our war pays,
At Dick's insistence.
He kept his promise.
Big contract riches.

Enjoy Mad Kane's latest song parody!

"The SBL organization is a group of US patriots dedicated to having the Statue of Liberty sent back to the French. We believe that the French Government has effectively betrayed the safety of the United States of America by refusing to accept the fact that Saddam Hussein is a danger to every freedom-loving nation and by blocking any UN resolution to oust Saddam from power. Now is the time to show support for our PRESIDENT [sic] and our representatives realize that. They have already worked to change the name of FRENCH FRIES to FREEDOM FRIES. If we all make an effort and write to our Senators to let them know, we can have this gift sent back to the people who gave it, because they've obviously forgotten what liberty means."

Sometimes we have to laugh so we don't scream...

VIETNAM 2 PREFLIGHT CHECK 1. Cabal of oldsters who won't listen to outside advice? Check. 2. No understanding of ethnicities of the many locals? Check. 3. Imposing country boundaries drawn in Europe, not by the locals? Check. 4. Unshakeable faith in our superior technology? Check. 5. France secretly hoping we fall on our asses? Check. 6. Russia secretly hoping we fall on our asses? Check. 7. China secretly hoping we fall on our asses? Check. 8. SecDef pushing a conflict the JCS never wanted? Check. 9. Fear we'll look bad if we back down now? Check. 10. Corrupt Texan in the WH? Check. 11. Land war in Asia? Check. 12. Right unhappy with outcome of previous war? Check. 13. Enemy easily moves in/out of neighboring countries? Check. 14. Soldiers about to be dosed with *our own* chemicals? Check. 15. Friendly fire problem ignored instead of solved? Check. 16. Anti-Americanism up sharply in Europe? Check. 17. B-52 bombers? Check... VIETNAM 2 YOU ARE CLEARED TO TAXI

Takebackthemedia.com's latest flash presentation. Get your groove on...

Mr. Resident: How do you explain the fact that the whole damn world is against you right now?

Reply: Don't matter. We're gonna smoke em out. Yippee.We are gonna smoke em out.

But, Mr. Resident: Aren't you nuts?

Reply: Hell no, g-ddamn it. Smoke em out. Yippee. Yippee. I am tough. I got guts. I am a tough guy. Hey, your mama. I'm tough, tough. Watch me. I'm bad, really bad.

But, Mr. Resident: How can you get away with scripting the whole damn news conference?

Reply: Who let this sucker in here? What's going on? This is not in the script. It's not his turn. He was not supposed to say that. Right here it says that the next person was supposed to say: 'Mr. Resident, All of us in the press corps think you are one of the smartest men ever to serve as president.' I know that this is next. It is right here in the script, right here.

Lee Waters writes, "BUSH: (Yelling): WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? Where's my war? I want my war! CHENEY: Calm down, George. We've got some problems. BUSH: We have NO problems. We are prepared to attack. I say it's time to attack. Billy Graham says it's time to attack. God says it's time to attack. Armageddon won't wait. KARL ROVE: Well, George, I'm afraid we're no longer on such firm ground. The latest polls here show that 70% of the American public want us to get UN approval before we go to war. BUSH: I took care of that already. I said those ridiculous peace marches were irrelevant. We're not running this government by focus group. We're not running this war by some damn hippie pinko peace marchers. We're running it by George W. Bush and the word of God as brought to Earth by the Reverend Billy Graham." Read the whole secret transcript...

The Whos down in Whoville liked people a lot, But the Grinch in the White House most certainly did not. He didn't arrive there by the will of the Whos, But stole the election that he really did lose. Vowed to "rule from the middle," then installed his regime. (Did this really happen, or is it just a bad dream?) Read the rest of the poem by Doug Goodkin...

Traveling back to ancient Greece, the smirking chimp has done and grown a beard and done some serious bodybuilding. But even back then, there was an intimate relationship between fighting evil and seeking oil...

"We're about to invade Iraq. Again. We invaded in 1917... and 1941... and 1991. This time though, we're dealing with Saddam Hussein. But then, we've been dealing with Saddam for years. Why now? The Americans see the chance to bring traditional Western values to the Middle East (aka the guys with the diapers on their heads): democracy (from the people who brought you George W Bush); freedom (from the people who brought you Guantanamo Bay) and economic prosperity (from the people who bought you Enron). Starring George W Bush, Tony Blair, Donald Rumsfeld, Condoleeza Rice, Osama Bin Laden, Saddam Hussein and a cast of...well, Rory Bremner, flanked by John Bird and John Fortune as Foreign Office mandarins, convinced that this time they have got it right, and that above all the one thing this is not about is oil." This was broadcast on Britain's Channel 4. Watch the four video segments - you'll learn some history along the way!

Country Joe McDonald's I Feel Like I'm Fixin' to Die Rag has been updated by many who have sent their new versions to Country Joe. Country Joe has organized them by topic and posted them on his web site. As you might expect, Iraq II has inspired a few. In the mean time "there's about 300,000 of you F*ckers out there, how can you expect to stop the war if you can't sing any better than that."

Give me an O
Give me an I
Give me an L
What's that spell?
What's that spell?
What's that spell?

Now come on all of you big strong men,
Republicans need your help again!
They might have to give the White House back
So the only thing to do is attack Iraq!

Steven Leser of the Dumbya Chronicles writes: "According to NY Times sources, Jesus returned to earth yesterday...He decided to visit George W. Bush in the White House... After the initial 'my Lord's' and 'My child's' were complete, Jesus got down to business. 'I am returned.', He said, 'I have come to you to get your help in implementing my kingdom on earth...I am concerned about the plight of the poor around the world. But what upsets me most of all regarding them is that here, in the United States, the richest country in the world, there are people who have no place to live, not enough food to eat, and no access to Doctors and medical care. I have no problem with the rich being rich, despite what I said before about a camel's eye, but can't we do at least these things for the poor?'"

Charlotte Observer columnist Diane Stingley writes, "Ari Fleischer stated that God made it quite clear to Bush that war with Iraq was the No. 1 item on His personal agenda for Earth, and that all miracles and acts of grace would be suspended until bombing commenced on Baghdad. When asked by one reporter about the apparent contradiction between God's current command and His previous statements supporting peace through His son Jesus, which would lead one to think that war should be a last resort, Fleischer responded angrily. 'That's the kind of bleeding heart liberal crap that gets God so irritated. This is a war to prevent war, which is how peace is made.' [Jacques Chirac endorsed W-ar after Colin Powell cited God's] Miracle of the Chads in Florida from November 2000. 'Yes, we French are a skeptical people, but a man who loses an election by over 300,000 [note: 540,000] votes and yet still wins, it is a miracle, no?"

Bush don't need no demonstrations.
He don't need no 'pinion polls.
No dark forecasts of gloom and war doom.
Peaceniks! Leave George Bush alone!
Hey! Peaceniks! Leave George Bush alone!
Oil sweet oil! Oh don't you tell me Bush is like Gore.
Oil sweet oil! George claims it's not his motive for war.

Enjoy Mad Kane's latest song parody!

Why wait until Presidente El Demento starts flinging the missiles? Play this simulation game, visited by 20,000 people a day, and explore various outcomes with GW, Rummy and Condi at the helm. Oddly enough, they all end up the same. Hint: Disaster!

Borowitz reports, "Countering the weekend's televised images of massive antiwar rallies around the world, the White House today said that millions of people attended 'super-secret' pro-war rallies over the weekend as well. White House Press Secretary Ari Fleischer stunned the press corps with news of the massive pro-war rallies, which had gone completely undetected by all of the major news media." So THAT explains why we're going to w-ar!

Here is Mark Fiore's latest Flash presentation - Color Coded Alert Systems - Saving the World One Color at a Time.

Terry Jones, a founding member of Monty Python writes, "I'm really excited by George Bush's latest reason for bombing Iraq: he's running out of patience. And so am I! For some time now I've been really pissed off with Mr Johnson, who lives a couple of doors down the street. Well, him and Mr Patel, who runs the health food shop... They both give me queer looks, and I'm sure Mr Johnson is planning something nasty for me, but so far I haven't been able to discover what." Read the story, have a laugh, but there is more truth in here than in Colin Powell's UN speech!!

Old George Dubya's talkin' at me.
I don't buy a word he's sayin'.
Can't bear the echoes of his lies!

People must start carin'.
Doesn't matter what their race is.
Must see the truth beyond the guise.

It's so clear, for oil he's a-pinin'.
He's the country's bane.
Fightin' wars when violence suits his goals.

Enjoy Mad Kane's latest song parody.

Borowitz reports, "A UN inspection team working in Washington, D.C. has requested more time to search for Democrats, having found 'no signs of Democrats, a Democratic Party or a program to build a Democratic Party' in the nation's capital. 'We have found no evidence of Democrats at this time,' inspection chief Hans Blix told reporters today. 'However, the inspections are going well and perhaps at a later juncture we will, in fact, find a Democrat.' According to information furnished to the inspection team, the Democrats began to dismantle themselves in the fall of 2001, when Bush's popularity was at an all-time high. Further proof of the absence of Democrats emerged in the fall of 2002, during the mid-term elections. While some point to the 'Democratic response' to the Bush's SOTU address as a sign that there are in fact Democrats actively working in the U.S., Blix brushed off the speech by Gov. Gary Locke of WA as 'posing no threat.'" Who says Democrats can't laugh at ourselves?

Every camper writes a letter home, even when your camp is the presidential retreat known as Camp David. But Camp David just reminds you of Jimmy Carter, so we'll give it a good Republican name like Camp Kennebunkport. Lifting the Fog's Barbara Sehr has discovered #43's most recent letter home to #41: the President fears the mongrel hordes besieging the White House to demonstrate against its "Affirmative Action" against Iraq, while Condi says it's "OK for the University of Michigan to consider the color of your skin in its admission policies sometimes, especially for those crazy football fans that show up in mid-winter wearing only blue paint on their bodies." It's apparent, Daddy, not everyone here is a happy camper.

"I AM GEORGE WALKER BUSH, SON OF THE FORMER PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA GEORGE HERBERT WALKER BUSH, AND CURRENTLY SERVING AS PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. THIS LETTER MIGHT SURPRISE YOU BECAUSE WE HAVE NOT MET NEITHER IN PERSON NOR BY CORRESPONDENCE. I CAME TO KNOW OF YOU IN MY SEARCH FOR A RELIABLE AND REPUTABLE PERSON TO HANDLE A VERY CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESS TRANSACTION, WHICH INVOLVES THE TRANSFER OF A HUGE SUM OF MONEY TO AN ACCOUNT REQUIRING MAXIMUM CONFIDENCE. I AM WRITING YOU IN ABSOLUTE CONFIDENCE PRIMARILY TO SEEK YOUR ASSISTANCE IN ACQUIRING OIL FUNDS THAT ARE PRESENTLY TRAPPED IN THE REPUBLIC OF IRAQ... I WOULD BESEECH YOU TO TRANSFER A SUM EQUALING TEN TO TWENTY-FIVE PERCENT (10-25 %) OF YOUR YEARLY INCOME TO OUR ACCOUNT TO AID IN THIS IMPORTANT VENTURE. THE INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA WILL FUNCTION AS OUR TRUSTED INTERMEDIARY. I PROPOSE THAT YOU MAKE THIS TRANSFER BEFORE THE FIFTEENTH (15TH) OF THE MONTH OF APRIL."

"In 1999, a guy seeking to head
The California Republican Party
Did something that made him think
He was one heck of a smarty."

Read the rest of Tony Peyser's poem!

Bernard Weiner takes a satiric peek into Saddam's diary: "Heard this great joke: An American reporter comes to Baghdad and asks people on the street what they think of Saddam Hussein. They all rush away; nobody will talk to him. Finally, one courageous fellow motions to the reporter to wait for him in an alley. The fellow looks left and right and, when he sees that nobody is around to overhear, he slips into the alley. 'Well,' says the reporter, 'what do you think of Saddam Hussein?' The man looks around nervously and whispers, 'I like him.'...So I'm not loved by my citizens. I've been in power this long because they fear me. I know that. They know that if they don't demonstrate total loyalty, they'll be fish bait. But they also see the handwriting on the wall: my time may be running out, the American calvary is riding in, and this time they may get me."

Here is Bush's REAL State of the Union - the version he no doubt shared with his fellow Bonesmen. Bush admits he was "trained by Al Qaeda... and is weak and materialistic." Don't try to find this version on C-SPAN...

Tall and tan and brash and ornery,
The Prez from old New England goes talking,
And when he rants, yes, the Dems he bashes go -- Bah!

When he talks, he jumbles grammar,
Does things so cruel, he's surely mental,
And when he acts out, the Dems he freaks out go -- No!

Ooh, how I watch him so sadly.
How did we get stuck with Dubya?
Yes, he has fowled things up badly.
So each day of his Presidency
Just fills me with dread -- Woe is me!

Enjoy Mad Kane's latest song parody!

Borowitzreport.com writes, "The U.S. warned Iran today that it is in danger of being dropped from the three-nation 'Axis of Evil' after a lackluster 2002 in which the purportedly evil country was largely missing in action. 'When it comes to remaining in the A.O.E., Iran is just hanging by a thread,' one State Department source said today. While North Korea and Iraq were both front and center in 2002 with their headline-grabbing evildoing, Iran for the most part stayed on the sidelines, jeopardizing its evil status, the source said. Remaining in the Axis of Evil is a high priority for Iran, since membership in the A.O.E. results in billions of dollars of free publicity and news coverage every year. Partly for this reason, the head of Iran's Ministry of Evil in Tehran today disputed the State Department's assessment of its less-than-evil performance, arguing that his nation had done many evil things in 2002."

Class warfare,
Poverty will swell
If Karl and Dubya get
Their way.

Old dream breaker,
That cruel faker.
The poor who support Bush
Will soon rue the day.

Big grifter,
Wants to run the world
To keep his pals in erl,
You see.

Enjoy Mad Kane's latest song parody!

Political humor site LiftingTheFog.com makes the following predictions for January 20: "Trent Lott celebrates the Martin Luther King holiday for the first time by throwing a Kwanza party. He is disappointed when told that Kwanza was celebrated a month before. George Bush celebrates Martin Luther King Day by launching a major bombing attack on Iraq. 'Like Dr. King, I too have a dream,' Bush tells the American people. 'I dream that one day my children will not be judged by their consumption of alcohol, but by their consumption of plentiful Iraqi oil.'" Read more bold predictions for 2003...

Don Rumsfeld is offered yet another technology scheme to protect the U.S. Does it work? Who cares? It's a 'win-win' for everyone -- unless you're an ordinary taxpayer. Bernard Weiner creates a scenario that seems strangely familiar.

Read Tony Peyser's poem!

Ammunition clerk Michael Maher writes,
T'was the night before Christmas
In Chuck Heston's house
Not a creature was stirring
He'd shot the last mouse
All the holsters were hung
By the chimney with care
In hopes they'd soon be filled
By Wayne LaPierre
The children were nestled
All snug in their beds
While Uzis and AKs
Danced through their heads

Editor's warning: trespassing on Heston's roof is NOT recommended...

We found the author of "The Twelve Days of Fascism," which we posted on 12-20-02 - Carol Schiffler of FalloutShelterNews.com. Carol has a whole songbook of Orwellian Christmas Carols, including this little gem:

Away with the Strangers (to the tune of "Away in a Manger")

Away with the Strangers
John Ashcroft proclaimed
No Muslims, no Haitians
We'll have them detained

We'll jail them, we'll gas them, they'll all disappear
And as for the liberals, we'll nail them next year.

Enjoy the whole songbook!

Documentary filmmakers Gaspard DuPlessis, Willow "Babydoll" McGee, and the crew at www.excaminos.com wanted to know what Al Gore was doing in 2001, while George W. Bush was working out on his treadmill and ignoring the threats from Al Qaeda. You'll be surprised by what they found...

Andy Borowitz reports, "President George W. Bush moved decisively today to stem the recent tide of bad economic news by demanding that the U.S. economy resign, effective immediately.... Stock market futures plunged on the news that the U.S. economy had been forced to quit, as investors expressed anxiety about which economy Mr. Bush might ultimately choose to take its place."

The nation's gonna be had.
I think it's today, yeah.
That Bush he's driving me mad
With Henry the K.

He's got a secret to hide,
He's got a secret to hide,
He's got a secret to hide,
And I smell fear.

Bush says that Nixon's Henry
Will bring out the facts, yeah.
But he's a sham appointee,
The truth he'll confound.

He's got a secret to hide,
We need a probe bona fide.
He's got a secret to hide,
And I smell fear...

So begins Mad Kane's latest song parody.

Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth not brains
I've been around nearly two years
Won many a man's votes and faith
And I was round when supreme court
Made sure the loser won the race
Made damn sure that counting
Didn't matter in this case

Chorus:
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name
Cause distracting you
Is the nature of my game

I talked responsibility
When Enron made you demand some change
Cut funding for the SEC
The Democrats screamed in vain
I had surplus
But asked for tax cuts
Didn't do the math
Now deficits' back
(chorus)

Enjoy Mark Hoolihan's latest song parody!

Francoise Ducros, an adviser to Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chretien caused an uproar by allegedly calling Bush a moron at the NATO summit in Prague. Chretien - whose name Bush didn't even know before he was selected as (p)Resident - must have realized Ducros was simply stating the obvious, and he didn't bend to right-wing pressure to fire her. In any event, she quit of her own accord. The biggest backlash from the comment, though, according to the Toronto Star, came from morons, who felt slighted to be lumped in with Bush. "We're nice people," the Star quoted one moron. "We don't threaten other countries or use the courts to steal elections. George W. Bush may be a dangerous lunatic. But he's no moron."

"Here comes the new improved American Gun and bible firmly in hand Grateful to be raped by the CEO Head firmly planted in the sand There will come a reckoning To those who stand in the way You'd better get on board Or there'll be hell to pay "Bush, Jesus and the CIA Saddam and Osama working hard for their pay Gonna terrify you into giving up your rights So they can protect you when you turn out the lights Bush, Jesus and the CIA Orwell had it right and it's happening today Ashcroft has a plan for those who dissent Soon you'll be wondering where the Constitution went" Read the rest of R.B Ham's song.

"Sounding off in DC
From his Senate stoop,
In his right-wing meetings,
Lott leads a scary group.

Plots unfurled together,
Planning Lib'ral assaults.
Lott so loves divisive slogans
'Gainst coast cities like New York."

Enjoy Mad Kane's latest song parody!

"Holy Hell News Service, Nov 19, 2002 A.D.: In an announcement that stunned the Heavens, God today declared that, after untold billions of years in charge of the Universe, He would step down and name, in His place, George W. Bush as - God II, - or alternately, The Bush. In His resignation speech, God stated that He was particularly impressed with the way The Bush, along with Archangel (and top political advisor) Karl Rove, had moved Heaven and Earth in order to get Republicans elected." - Lowell Feld, Intervention Magazine

I feel so bad, I got a worried mind,
I'm so anxious all the time,
Since the Dems were left far behind
And George Bush rules.

Saving nickels, saving dimes,
Working 'til Rove's in a bind,
Looking forward to voting time
When Dems will rule.

We're coming back I say,
On a day
That Bush will rue.

Enjoy Mad Kane's Election 2004 anthem for Liberals and Democrats!

"Current events in Washington are Twilight Zone or Stephen King material! But not United States of America "Leader of the Free World" material!! Actually, in a Twilight Zone episode, some reasonable explanations could be offered for the bizarre behavior of nearly everyone in Washington. For example: They have all had their brains sucked out of their noses during the night and replaced with alien robot amoebas which are remotely controlled by evil alien clowns bent on destroying the world, starting with America. Anytime one of these poor brain-sucked sods - say Dick Gephardt - tries to speak up, the alien clowns activate the amoeba and suddenly, the victim is turned into a protozoan who can only say? "Yes, great one ... I agree ... you are right, Oh mighty Bush Clown."

(We take you now to the Oval Office.)
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know...

"To United Nations Secretary General Kofi Annan: We petition that ye, Kofi Annan, convince Bush, Cheney and Hussein to accepten the proposal of the honorable Iraqi Vice President- that any upcoming confrontation twixt the esteemed governments of Iraq and the United States be settled ney by war, but by a pair of duels; firstly twixt the Vice Presidents, then twixt Bush and President Hussein. Let such be done in any agreed gentlemanly manner with ye as referee and the losers begone forever from public office. May the more honorable prevail and rule thereafter with renewed respect for peace." Sign the petition.

"Bush is drivin' through a bill that strips rights; Turns your life to an open, guided tour. It sends your info to a Fed'ral machine. It's a scene straight from Nineteen-Eight-Four. Say goodbye to privacy. Say goodbye to freedom. Say goodbye to privacy. Say goodbye to freedom. Big Gov's storin' all your facts in a file, With a style that invades your private doors. They'll know exactly where you're at, what you're for, And you won't be a free man anymore." The rest is here:

"What's it all about, Tommy? Why did Dems get such paltry few wins? What's it all about, When you sort it out, Tommy? Are Dems meant to leak seats like a sieve? Oh how did we fall behind? Are we - Only tools aligned, Tommy, With a Prez who's disguised as a fool? DC life belongs - Only to the strong, Tommy. Why did you bend when we so need a mule?" So begins Mad Kane's latest song parody.

Reuters writes, "Fast-food giant McDonald's Corp. said on Friday that it would close about 175 restaurants worldwide and will miss its 2002 earnings estimate as it continues to struggle with underperforming sales in the U.S. amid stiff competition in the fast-food business." We all know the last elected President (along with just about every American) ate at McDonald's. Are the closings of these restaurants the revenge of the Right Wing Conspiracy making it harder for President Clinton to get a meal or is it as some people think, that the Right-Wing's economic plan killed the economy and thus the McDonald's are closing? Good thing they are getting a huge tax cut, now that approximately 7500 employees are going to lose their McDonald's jobs. Great Job Mr. Bush, your economic plan sure has the economy booming, NOT!

Truth or satire? It's getting harder every day to tell the difference. This time it's a joke, thanks to humorist Andy Borowitz.

There's a big Peace March coming up. Here's a quick means of protest folks can use. Honor George W. Bush by flying the Double Standard! With our Constitution in shreds, the weekly online environmental magazine The-Edge has taken a pair of scissors to Old Glory in an effort to create a new flag that is more truely symbolic of George W. Bush's intolerant America. As students of flag nomenclature will immediately recognize, this new flag "Oil Glory" is a Double Standard.

"In an address before the U.N. General Assembly Monday, (Mr.) Bush called upon the international community to support his 'U.S. Does Whatever It Wants' plan, which would permit the U.S. to take any action it wishes anywhere in the world at any time. 'As a shining beacon of freedom and democracy, America has inspired the world,' said Bush in his 25-minute address. 'With its military might, it has kept the peace and bravely defended the unalienable [sic] rights of millions around the globe. In this spirit, I call upon the world's nations to support my proposal to give America unrestricted carte blanche to remove whatever leaders, plunder whatever resources, and impose whatever policies it deems necessary or expedient.'...Global reaction to Bush's plan has been mixed, with 56 percent of Americans in support and 100 percent of non-Americans strongly opposed."

Once again, our man inside the GOP has supplied us with the latest pleas to the party faithful from RNC HQ - hot off the press, with "helpful" annotations by Cheryl Seal.

ItsARiot.com has produced a terrific short satire on the ubiquitous Verizon Wireless commercial, featuring the geek who asks, "Can you hear me now." Unfortunately Bush can hear us - but he's just not listening.

All 10 of these reasons, which were dreamt up by the folks at Intervention Magazine, are better than the ones the Bush admnistration is currently giving out as the pretext for an invasion. And they're a whole lot more honest, to boot!

"Whereas the nation of Iraq has substantial oil and gas reserves, Whereas over the past decade certain executives in the oil and gas industry have donated generously to various political campaigns of George W. Bush, and many were in fact 'Bush Pioneers' in the 2000 presidential campaign, Whereas the return of weapons inspectors and the subsequent destruction of any weapons programs would allow Saddam Hussein to remain in power, where Saddam Hussein would be able to complete various agreements with nations such as France and Russia designed to exploit Iraq's oil and gas resources without the participation of Bush Pioneers, Whereas Bush Pioneers would be therefore by financially harmed if Saddam Hussein were allowed to remain in power, even if Saddam were completely disarmed, as a result of these agreements, Therefore, the United States Congress hereby authorizes the President to use of United States Armed Forces to commence an unprovoked attack against Iraq." Click and scroll down.

Aaron McGruder is one of the premiere comic writers in America and a very outspoken critic of the Bush administration. McGruder had a story about Jeb Bush in his Sunday's strip, "Hello Jeb... I had a nightmare ... that your daughter broke into my house and stole my TV to feed her crack habit... " Read the rest, and check out the archives as well which indludes letters to Dubya about Iraq. It will surely make you smile!

Four-Oh-One-Kay, good-bye!
Keeps on dropping, oh my!
Republicans who tell me,
I shouldn't be blue, no words can tell how mad it makes me.
Four-Oh-One-Kay, oh when
Will you rise up again?
Quarterly mail, budget's derailed,
If it don't get much better then I'll moan, sigh, and wail.
Four-Oh-One-Kay, good-bye!
Keeps on dropping, oh my!

Enjoy Mad Kane's latest song parody!

How many ways can I run unopposed
And still claim that I'm being fair?
How many ways can I get every vote
And land me a Senator's chair?
How many claims can I bring to the courts
Before the election's declared?
The answer my friends is in my lawyers' hands,
The answer is in my lawyers' hands.

Enjoy Mad Kane's latest song parody!

Poor W is lost between his ears.
Pathetically, the dumb of all fears!
Staring into space.
He is such a waste!
Not knowing what he will do.
He has not a single clue!
Each speech must have a sign behind,
For W can not make the mental climb!
His short attention span,
Indicates the cerebrally bland!
Evertime he opens his mouth,
The economy heads south!
Photo-ops show him at his top.
Otherwise, his policies are such a flop!
When he puts on the wonkish glasses,
This does not disguise economic crashes!
With 41 or 43, the same results we see.
People say, you're no economic cupid.
It's still the economy, stupid!
And, put that on your sign behind!

So opines Mark H. Wilson poetically at newspoetry.com.

"Well it ain't no use to curse and pine and sigh, babe.
If you don't know by now.
And it ain't no use to miss that other guy, babe.
And the ever rising Dow.
Cause my boosters crow and the weak Dems fawn.
Read any paper. You'll see I've won.
That's the reason I'm warrin' on.
Don't think twice, let's just fight..."
So begins Mad Kane's latest song parody.

"Based in Houston, Texas, Flatulent Technologies is a Fortune 500 energy services corporation which is rapidly growing and expanding into other diverse business interests. The Flatulent Technologies family of companies and its more than 112,000 employees worldwide provide an integrated package of energy-related products and services. Flatulent Technologies common shares trade on the New York Stock Exchange (NYSE) under the symbol 'FART.'"

Ted Rall imagines a UN speech by Iranian President Khatami "Two years ago, the civilized world watched as this evil and corrupt dictator subverted the world's oldest representative democracy in an illegal coup d'etat. Since then the Bush regime has continued America's systematic repression of ethnic and religious minorities and threatened international peace and security throughout the world. Thousands of political opponents and ordinary citizens have been subjected to arbitrary arrest and imprisonment. Basic civil rights have been violated. This rogue state has flouted the international community on legal, economic and environmental issues. It has even ignored the Geneva Conventions on the treatment of prisoners of war by denying that its illegal invasion of Afghanistan - which has had a destabilizing influence throughout Central Asia - was a war at all. We can't for this tyrant to strike first. We have an obligation to act pre-emptively to protect the world from this evildoer."

If the GOP is hurtin', bomb Iraq;
If the GOP is hurtin', bomb Iraq;
If the GOP is hurtin', and November looks uncertain;
If the GOP is hurtin', bomb Iraq...
There are lots more verses, and it's a round robin so feel free to add your own!

Join Rod Serling aboard the ChickenHawk Express as the ChickenHawks discuss old times...

Check out this site for Bush's "Fool Me" clip as he struggles to say "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." Notice the look of abject fear as he realizes that he's going to muff it and it's going to end up on the news, and on damn fool weblogs. Enjoy!

We can never know about the days to come.
But we think about them anyway.
And I wonder how we let Bush bring us down.
Why he always gets his damn mean and evil way.

War's a distraction. War's a distraction.
He's feeding us hate.
Iraq he's baiting.

Enjoy Mad Kane's latest song parody!

"Pelley: Thank you for allowing CBS this opportunity to promote and package you in a manner vetted and approved by your many handlers, sir. Bush: I am willing to do anything to get across to the American people that this administration is committed to a regime change in Iraq, Snotty-Scotty. Pelley: Didn't you initially promise America that you were going to 'git' Osama Bin Laden to avenge September 11? Bush: This administration has always been committed to a regime change in Iraq. Pelley: And isn't this simply a very cynical ploy to get the American public's mind off of the economy, which this administration has also bungled terribly? Bush: This administration is committed to a regime change in Iraq. Pelley: And isn't this sudden interest in invading Iraq just a bloody distraction from stock market swindles that have undermined the stock market and from which both you and Mr. Cheney have made millions? Bush: This administration is committed to a regime change in Iraq. "

The Bill of Rights is gone now shredded by ol' Crisco Head John
Our country is cowed down by bigots honking a patriot's horn
I'm on my way to thought prison where to Jefferson I'll pray
'Cause the flag now stands for nothing, 'cause they took it all away

(Chorus)
I was proud to be an American
And I loved my great country
Patrick Henry and Abe Lincoln died
To protect and make her free
And now she's torn down sobbing hard and bereft of liberty
'Cause there ain't no doubt, I loved this land
Bush screwed the USA

From the lakes of Minnesota to the hills of Tennessee
Across the plains of Texas, from sea to shining sea
From Detroit down to Houston, and New York to L.A.
If there's pride in just one American heart, then it's time we stand and say

Song parody thanks to Dan Brown!

Ben Tripp writes: "Mark my words: you won't find a guy who is more the inverse of Jesus than George W. Bush... Bush clearly has no problem with being a borrower or a lender, for example--he borrowed the White House and is lending it to everybody he owes a favor... Bush's failure to invest in long-term strategies suddenly makes a chilling kind of sense. After all, why worry about the environment when it's going to be consumed in unquenchable fire anyway? Put it like that, I'm no longer worried about how many miles per gallon I'm getting, either... Christ accepted responsibility for the sins of all mankind and died to redeem us; Bush won't even accept responsibility for missing an SEC filing deadline."

"Iraq. God they want to bomb it sooo badly. And George W. Bush has been doing everything in his power to make his case to the American public, holding roundtables, lobbying congress and U.S. allies..." So begins Comedy Central's Jon Stewart.

"To clear his brain Bush runs across the plain.
That George he does it.
That George he does it.
He runs because he fears he'll go insane.
By George he does it.
By George he does it.

Now where does Dubya train?
On the plain. On the plain.
And what's with Dubya's brain?
It's inane. It's inane.

Bush hates to read and indoor stuff's his bane.
That George won't do it.
That George won't do it.
Cause sitting still just goes against his grain.
That George can't do it.
That George can't do it.

Now why are books his bane?
Lazy brain. Lazy brain.
Is sitting still a pain?
'Gainst his grain. 'Gainst his grain."

Enjoy Mad Kane's latest song parody...

NPR's Adam Felber sets the scene: BUSHLET: To attack or not to attack, that is the question - GHOST.: -Nay, 'tis not. Not the question. Not. ... BUSHLET: Lo! What's this? Tis the ghost of my Father, Cruelly slain, and now here reanimerated. GHOST: Slain? Nay, son, I live. Feelin' good... BUSHLET: Long shall be the struggle, but this evil-doer Shall be brought low. Much avengeration Shall I have 'pon the head of Saddam. GHOST: Saddam. Tis he who I come to speak of with thee. BUSHLET: Speak, dear shade! What has roused thee from thy grave? GHOST: Whatever. Listen, son. Time to listen. Now. Thou dost fritter away thy days in indecision. Now waiting, now preparing thine attacks. Thy sabre rattles, and yet stays sheathed withal. BUSHLET: Tis a defective sabre. I can't find the trigger. GHOST: Listen! I come here to beseech thee - Thou must not yet make war upon Saddam."

"I'm a Chickenhawk, A Coward, I evaded Vietnam
But I'll send your sons and daughters to get killed by Saddam,
All the people workin' with me have evaded service too
But now that they're too old to fight
Their duty you should do."
So begins a song parody by Jim Mooney.

Sacha Zimmerman writes "Until I read 'Slander' I had always assumed that [Ann] Coulter was just a loud-mouthed, right-wing freak without a subtle bone in her gangly body. Clearly I was wrong... Coulter claims that a cherished liberal lie is that Santa's house is melting. In order to rise to [Coulter's level, here is] the uncomfortable truth: Santa's home is indeed melting. I am sorry it has come to this, but global warming is a liberal strategy to eliminate Christmas, thereby alienating the Christian right (which, of course, doesn't really exist anyway, except as a cautionary tale that liberals tell their children at night) ... Besides, it has been long suspected that the elves are really Santa's slaves, and liberals see human rights abuses abounding in the far right's sacred Christmas dungeons. Instead of hiding behind global warming, let's just own it: Santa must die."

It was only a matter of time before Dubya wrote a song about Iraq:

"Iraq, Iraq, I refuse to back down.
Most hawks say yup, but some others just frown.
Hussein belongs in a hole in the ground.
Iraq, Iraq, I refuse to back down

The evil places to target are so many,
Or so my staffers say.
I promised Poppy I wouldn't miss on any,
Cause Saddam's got to pay.
Gonna free the whole town.
I'll vanquish that clown, I do pray.
Without delay!

Iraq, Iraq, it's an oil lovers place,
I'll give high-fives when I've conquered that space..."

So writes Mad Kane in her latest song parody.

Lord Byron once said: "And if I laugh at any mortal thing, 'tis that I may not weep." He must have been having a premonition of the Bush administration. So, for a few minutes, dry your eyes and have a chuckle or two as we revisit G.W. at Mount Rushmore, playing golf, attempting to schmooze with an unreceptive Vincente Fox, and shooting his mouth off under "public opinion prompt signs."

Les Marsden writes, "Recently as I lay restlessly awake at 3/am in the deep silence of the Mariposa woods that surround my house, I began to engage in a little brainplay. I was tired, but couldn't sleep. Counting sheep didn't work, so instead I mentally stumbled onto the idea of Bush White House Anagrams. You know: re-arranging the letters in the names of those currently posing as a legitimate administration. I don't know of anyone else playing this little game, but the results were somewhat bothersome..."

"Today is a great day for America. With my dictatorial powers that I have assumed since 9/11, I am appointing S-Dog to lead America's Department of Dog House Defense," said George W. Bush, Thief-in-Chief. "Having a dog guarding a meat factory just isn't right!" cried Dave Evans. If it is not one thing with this administration it is another. Harvey Pitt, Thomas White, Dick Cheney, when will this madness stop? When will the Bush administration choose someone who is correctly qualified!" You can also get your "Bush Get out of jail free" card here, Noelle Bush prescription pads, and SEC Form 4's!

Andy Borowitz writes, "George W. Bush, increasingly annoyed by the media's penchant for comparing his Residency to the ill-fated tenure of his father, former President George Bush, has taken the unusual step of having his name legally changed. 'From this day forward, the President formerly known as George W. Bush will now answer to the name of Mr. Mojo Risin,' White House press secretary Ari Fleischer announced today. Stock market investors, hearing rumors that someone named Mr. Mojo Risin now occupied the White House, immediately sent the Dow Jones Industrial Average surging 488.95 points. The name change, while an extraordinary measure for a sitting President, is expected to have many benefits for Resident Risin. In addition to putting distance between his Residency and that of his father, the President believes that it will be harder for investigators to find the name Mr. Mojo Risin in any documents relating to the unfolding Harken Energy Corp insider trading scandal."

"'It bugs me to see Bush, tacking on another agenda to the war on terrorism by saying 'Drugs fund terrorism.' Trust me. SUVs fund terrorism.' -- Bill Maher. Rodney Dangerfield isn't the only comic claiming a lack of respect these days...he performed a solid, angry hour...On the war on terrorism: 'What did we really do? Nothing. What were we asked to do? Nothing. And we responded. We put a flag on a car -- literally the least you can do.'...'It's a funny thing, you never really get much credit for being ahead of the curve in America...what the Smothers Brothers said that got them kicked off the air was that Vietnam was a lousy war, we shouldn't be in it. Could you think of anything that became more conventional wisdom than that? But they didn't get a flower basket either.' The show...was nominated for an Emmy last week. 'I read...it was a 'surprising' nomination.' I thought 'Eight years in a row -- yeah, that is surprising,'" he says wryly.

"Here comes old W
He's been growin' up slowly
He's got bloodshot eyeballs
Says he's a teetotaler
He's got Gore down on his knees
Says "Bipartisanship means only I get to lead"
Come together, right now, under me
Got no ideas
Can't even pronounce English
He got speech impediment
He do coke we all know
He says life's a ride I've had for free
Only votes that count are votes that counted for me
Come together, right now, under me"

Sing the rest of this parody by Mark Hoolihan.

Ah, those Republicans! Sometimes one must wonder how they reproduce! House Speaker Dennis Hastert (R-IL), apparently the product of a sex educationless school - to say nothing of being physiologically challenged - rose in the hallowed chamber to issue forth on that burning topic: "blue balls hanging in the air." It began innocently enough (as these situations so often do...) as Speaker Hastert sought to rally his troops around some tough political decisions by mangling together two of Robert Frost's poems to make his point that the House is at points of decision on several thorny issues, including corporate reform, prescription drugs, appropriations, and the Department of Homeland Security. "Normally we have our two blue balls hanging in the air," Hastert told his colleagues. "Now we have to deal with [the Democrats'] red balls in the air too."..."It was so funny - he had no idea," noted one source. "It was definitely a moment."

They say that things are really bad on Wall Street.
They say there's much malfeasance in the air.
But I don't want to hurt my friends.
And tough laws give my pals the bends.
Then donors drop right off and I'm nowhere.

They say I have to act real tough on Wall Street.
But regulations just give me the blues.
And friends may have to do some time.
Dick Cheney maybe did a crime.
Though Albert Gore couldn't even shine his shoes.

So begins Mad Kane's latest song parody...

"What's all this barkin' about Harkin Oil? Quit the damn moaning about them loaning - Millions they're saying - Without having any repaying." So begins a poem by R. Hamilton Bolton.

Bush can go ahead and fire his incompetent so-called speechwriters - we've found a script on a website that does just as good of a job generating the uneloquent gobbledygook Bush generally spews in any given oration.

"Palestinian Authority President Yasir Arafat stunned the world yesterday by demanding that the United States hold democratic elections for a new Chief Executive before it attempts to continue in its role as broker between Israel and Palestine. 'Mr. Bush is tainted by his association with Jim-Crow-style selective disenfranchisement and executive strong-arm tactics in a southeastern province controlled by his brother,' said Mr. Arafat, who was elected with 87% of the vote in 1996 elections in the West Bank and Gaza, declared to be free and fair by international observers, including former U.S. president Jimmy Carter. 'Our count shows that he would have lost the election if his associates hadn't deprived so many thousands of African-Americans, an oppressed minority, of the right to vote. He is not the man to bring peace to the Middle East.'"

"I was a child of the '60s and it finally dawned on me what all the warnings and threats and manufactured mayhem emanating from Bush II and Co. remind me of. Just how many of you good people remember 'Lost in Space?' There we were as kids every Wednesday night at 8 p.m. glued to the TV. The Robinson family, Dr. Smith, the robot and some goofy monkey type thing named 'Bloop.'" So writes W. David Jenkins III.

"Dear Georgie: I thought I was the only guy facing a political/ethical firing squad. But you have topped me, my lad. The 'I' word is beginning to be brought out of mothballs. Unless something major happens (another terrorist attack would help out a lot), you're about to join Bubba in the impeachment well." So writes Bernard Weiner.

Andy Borowitz writes, "The White House disappeared briefly last night and a complete evacuation was ordered without [Bush] being told about any of it, Administration officials said today. At the time of the White House's disappearance, [Bush] was across town giving a speech in support of repealing the estate tax as part of the ongoing war on terrorism. By the time [Bush] returned to the White House, the historic building had reappeared and everything was back to normal, staffers said, which apparently led to their decision not to tell [Bush] about the White House's disappearance, evacuation, and reappearance... But [Bush], who learned about the White House's disappearance on CNN while working out on a treadmill the following morning, was 'spitting mad' about not being told, one Administration source said. 'If the White House disappears suddenly, I should know about it so I can get out of harm's way,' a furious President Bush reportedly told aides."

Preemption, preemption! Preemption!
Preemption, preemption! Preemption!

Who, day and night, must run the greatest nation,
Heed the polls and Karl Rove, say his daily prayers?
And who has the right, as U. S. President,
To have the final word on war?

George Dubya, George Dubya! Preemption.
George Dubya, George Dubya! Preemption.

Who must know the way to run a proper House,
A quiet GOP-led House?
Who must vote with Georgie Bush without a grouse,
No matter how much Dubya cooks the books?

The Congress, the Congress! Preemption!
The Congress, the Congress! Preemption!

So begins Mad Kane's latest song parody...

Until he turned 40 (or so they say), George W. Bush had a drinking problem. Now it's up to you to save America. Whack Georgie over the head to stop him from getting drunk...

"Florida Secretary of State Katherine Harris, now a candidate for Congress, is writing a book about her controversial role in the 2000 presidential election." Read the preliminary edits. "Dear Katherine, The first draft is terrific! All of us here at Delusional Press are thrilled to be working with such an exciting new talent. We do have a few minor editing suggestions, however, that might better serve to underscore your diligence and objectivity during this turbulent episode in American politics. To begin with, we're not entirely comfortable with any of your proposed titles, which I will discuss in order of stated preference. 'Tell Al Gore To Kiss My Smokin' Hot Chad' is too wordy to fit on the book's cover. Also, the tone is a bit brash for our conservative readership. While your second choice, 'Recount, Shmecount!' has a nice wry ring to it, the title struck some of us as flippant, considering the heavy historic event about which you're writing."

Tom the Dancing Bug is Ruben Bolling's weekly cartoon -- see his boffo take on the newest ways to support the GOP! Patriotism for sale! Get your specially commissioned porcelain figure and certify your loyalty to the the Republican Party! See Ken Lay in bed with George Bush! For $500,000 -- you can get in bed with George Bush too!

We love you King George - and we have a great plan for you! Since the residents within 10 miles of Indian Point Nuclear Power Plant near NYC have a 3 day window to get potassium iodide (KI), we came up with a proper plan for distribution. First buy lots of stock in KI before you announce this plan. Next, hire your friend's company for $3 mil to purge the list of democrats, independents and felons so they are turned away at the pharmacy and can't get this medicine. Since some of the people didn't pay taxes last year, they should be purged too. Of course everyone in the town of Chappaqua should be purged as well, as they may have met the Clintons. In fact, move Indian Point to Chappaqua. Anyone making over $100,000 will get their own private helicopter paid for by the US Govt, along with as many pills as they feel are necessary.

I read the news each day, oh boy
About a President who got poor grades.
Of course the news is mostly sad
Though one thing made me laugh
The chewing gum photograph.

Bush blows my mind with every deed.
He keeps on acting like he's so deranged.
Tells crowds of people that he cares.
They've heard his lies before.
Nobody is really sure
How Harvard gave him that degree.

So begins Mad Kane's latest song parody...

Pootie-Poot, Pootie-Poot, oh Pootie, Pootie, Pootie,
Pootie-Poot, Pootie-Poot, oh Pootie, Pootie, Pootie,
Pootie-Poot, Pootie-Poot, oh Pootie, Pootie, Pootie,
Pootie-Poot.

Call my Putin Pootie-Poot.
Tell you why.
His soul is sweeter than an apple pie.
But with his tough negotiation stance
Man, I haven't got a chance.

I call him Pootie-Poot, Pootie-Poot, oh Pootie, Pootie, Pootie,
Pootie-Poot, Pootie-Poot, oh Pootie, Pootie, Pootie,
Pootie-Poot, Pootie-Poot, oh Pootie, Pootie, Pootie,
Pootie-Poot.

Tougher than steak that's overcooked,
Salisbury, sirloin, or prime.
I don't have a choice,
He has me hooked.
Yes, Pootie-Poot is mine.

So begins Mad Kane's latest song parody...

Originally posted on 2/22/02: "The Bush Administration seemed to have everything so well coordinated after the 9/11 terrorist attacks. How, many wondered, could they have put the whole shebang together so quickly? We may never know all the details, but recently some minutes of a pre-9/11 Bush inner-cabinet meeting have come our way, from someone inside the Administration. We're not at liberty to reveal that mole's identity, but the job held by this person -- whom we'll call 'Shallow Throat' -- includes access to important papers and thus the undated transcript below, believed to have been recorded in July or August of 2001, could well be authentic." So writes Bernard Weiner, playwright, poet, and political scientist.

Norman Solomon writes, "Damage control efforts are on track after those rough days in mid-May... However, complacency would be unwise... Reporters could get tired of the raw meat thrown from the Andersen case. Fortunately, they're more like kitty-cats than lions. To facilitate the purring, stroke as desired. Do what works. Avoid foot in mouth. Friendly pundits will float trial-balloon excuses. What doesn't get shot down is worth repeating. Dick, you've been magnificent on the Sunday shows. That grim Edgar Bergen look is a knockout -- just don't tell anyone George is your Charlie McCarthy. (Joke.) The main thing is, stay on message. Change the subject whenever necessary. At this point, do FDR one better: The only thing to fear is not enough fear."

Humorist Andy Borowitz writes, "Screening for depression, a practice widely supported by the medical community, has yielded alarming results so far, doctors say, with nearly 98% of those screened exhibiting signs of depression. The alarming results, which would indicate that America is the most bummed-out nation in the world, came after the American Medical Association slightly revised the two questions doctors ask when screening patients for depression. The two revised questions are: 'Have you read a newspaper in the last eight months?' and 'Do you have a pulse?'... Given the new data, which is in itself depressing, Dr. Colvin has only one remedy for depressed Americans: a complete and utter ignorance of the world around you. 'Given the state of the world, it's best to stay isolated from any and all disturbing information,' Dr. Colvin says, 'the way President [sic] Bush does.'" What, Bush worry?

"Which is more important to you? Freedom? Democracy? Civil rights? Or cute, safe, happy little doggies? Yes, intelligence indicates that THE TERRORISTS will next target AMERICA'S PETS! But hear this: Vice President Cheney and I will only be able to keep your little doggies safe if you give us complete and unquestioned authority to do whatever we wish. If Congress, the Media, or any other citizens butt their heads in where they don't belong -- then THEY will be responsible for the future and CERTAIN terrorist attack against your darling little pets. So which will it be: Liberty, Freedom, Dignity? Or the pursuit of an unattainable sense of absolute security? We know you'll make the right decision!" So writes GWBush.com in a biting satire.

Slate's Michael Kinsley writes, "The White House reluctantly confirmed that the president received a letter from Osama Bin Laden just days before the attack. The letter, written on stationery labeled 'The Caves at Tora Bora: A Luxury Terrorist Headquarters and Spa,' is believed by the FBI to be genuine. It said: 'Dear President Bush: On September 11, or maybe September 12, I plan to hijack several airplanes and fly them into a building or two in lower Manhattan, and maybe a military facility of some sort in Northern Virginia. Consider yourself warned. Yours sincerely, Osama'"

David Turnley writes in AlterNet, "Republicans raised a record $30 million at a black-tie gala tonight from major corporations with issues before the government, but the White House spent most of the day engulfed in a separate fund-raising dispute over a picture taken on Sept. 11. The photograph shows President Bush talking on the telephone... only hours after the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon." David describes some other memorable gifts: "Ari Fleischer's updated resume -- Ten ounces of Bush's faux modesty -- A dozen videotapes of the president practicing sincerity in a mirror -- A chance to be a therapist to Colin Powell as he complains that no one listens to him -- The Pretzel (bronzed) -- A chance to clean Charlton Heston's dentures -- A spot at a conference entitled, 'When Bill Clinton Does It, It's Evil; When We Do It, It's Patriotic.' " How about these -- orange jumpsuits and manacles -- with a Bush / Rove monograph!

Spinmeister, spinmeister, spin me some spin,
Write me a line, win me a win.
Spinmeister, spinmeister, search through your brain
And spin me some 9-1-1 spin.

Spinmeister, spinmeister, I will prevail.
Just write the words, cleverly veiled.
Bring me the script for I'm planning to be
In office eternally.

For those who donate big dollars,
For Poppy make me strong as a king,
For me, well, I wouldn't holler
If you were as brilliant as anything.

Spinmeister, spinmeister, spin me some spin,
Write me a line, win me a win.
Day after day I'm assaulted by foes,
So write me some real sneaky prose.

So begins Mad Kane's latest song parody. Enjoy!

In a shocking development, BUY BACK OUR GOVERNMENT founder Carolyn Kay announced she is renouncing her previously unstinting criticism of pResident George W. Bush because of what she called "his incredible animal magnetism." Bush left a luncheon today to meet Kay in a park across the street from Chicago's Sheraton Hotel & Towers where he was shaking down a horde of DuPage County Republicans who were brave enough to venture in Daley's Evil Empire (as this city is known to them). "When I saw him in person, I just couldn't help himself," said Kay. "I can't keep my hands off him." See the photos of their passionate (well, sorta) embrace.

"Rifles and roscoes and Winch'sters and cannons,
Rich NRA guys who own lots of weapons,
Generous men to whose pockets I cling,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Shotguns and pump guns and side arms at gun shows,
Aiming at targets, I'm well stocked with ammo,
Wild geese that fly till I shoot off their wings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Pistols and bullets and Uzis and Lugers,
Guns locked and loaded, hands poised on those triggers,
Silver white deer that are prime for a kill,
Look, I just got one way up on that hill.

When the court rules
Dead against me,
When I'm feeling sad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel, so bad."

So begins Mad Kane's latest song parody.

While enacting laws in the middle of the night last week, in between cutting taxes for Lear Jet owners and earmarking education funds for Pat Robertson schools, the Republicans changed the Pledge. In case you missed it, here is the new version. Tell your children, or they will fail Bush's new national tests!

I pledge allegiance to the flag
of the United Inc's of America
and to the Republic-ans for which it stands
one nation under Greed
with liberty and justice for Oil.

Dennis Hans writes in Common Dreams, "The Association of Nations Destroyed, Destabilized or Otherwise Violated by Uncle Sam, or ANDDOVUS, has authorized the ouster of the current U.S. administration by no later than March 2003... 'We'll do just what the CIA has done to so many ANDDOVUS nations... We'll use bribes to recruit or subvert the media, labor unions, business groups, political parties or factions within parties, and disaffected officers in the military and police.' The basic idea, as mapped out in planning documents marked TOP SECRET, is to gradually turn up the heat on the Bush administration from all sectors and strata of U.S. society until the president has no choice but to step down."

"I wrote a funny poem for my kids back when they were little, all about the Wowsers. Wowsers were bizarre shadowy little critters that hid under beds and behind bathroom doors at night, ready to pounce on the unwary. They liked to rustle curtains and creak floor boards and otherwise terrorize people. In short, Wowsers were nasty little bullies, but they could only hurt you if you took them too seriously. ("Beware of the Wowsers that wowse in the night... a wowsering wowser's a terrible sight!") America needs a nighttime poem like this just now... what with the Wowsers in Homeland Security and Ashcroft's Justice Department waiting to pounce on the unsuspecting!" And here it is... the latest from Cheryl Seal.

"This is so demeaning, Kenneth Lay said, as his pal, Dick Cheney, led him through a dark, slightly damp, tunnel. "Ow," he yelped, bumping his head on the low ceiling. "And it smells in here. Do I really have to wear a blindfold?" "Sshh," Dick poked him in the back, "If you weren't so damned arrogant, you could have been lying low on your own yacht in the Mediterranean, not hunkering down here in this undisclosed secure location." So writes Green Dog Democrat Dotty LeMieux.

"Five foot ten, great at spin,
But oh! she's tougher than most men.
Has anybody seen my gal?

Striking pose, scares my foes,
There's no end to what she knows.
Has anybody seen my gal?

Now if you run into a five foot ten,
Covered with fur,
Diamond rings and all those things,
Betcha' life it isn't her.

But could she gov, could she woo?
Could she, could she, could she stew?
Has anybody seen my gal?"

For the rest, visit MadKane.com.

"Hey Hughes, don't leave DC.
Take a sad Bush and make me better.
Remember I need you cause you're so smart,
Then you can start to make me better.

Hey Hughes, don't be afraid.
You were made to focus ol' Dubya.
The minute you get me more of those wins,
Then you begin to make me better.

And anytime your kid complains, hey Hughes, refrain,
Don't carry your kin upon your shoulders.
For well you know that you're a fool to move for school.
Try staying right here till he is older. "

So begins Mad Kane's latest song parody.

"George W. Bush, shaking with patriotic rage, condemned the highly partisan Senate Democrats after they voted to weaken America's national security by defeating his bold plan to drill for oil in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. Showing the decisive leadership and moral clarity that has endeared him to everyone who loves this country, the president vowed to deter future such pro-terrorist actions, pledging to 'hit the environmental whackos where it hurts most: in the caribou, or whatever the hell those reindeer things are called.'" So writes 'David Broder', a.k.a. David Podvin, in a satire in MakeThemAccountable.com.

"Once upon a time, there was a budget surplus..." Enjoy!

Heather Wokusch writes in CommonDreams.org, "Now that the Oscars are over and the best escapist diversions for the year have been chosen, it's time for a new award: the coveted DICK. Named after US vice president Dick Cheney, the DICK honors outstanding achievements in the art of duping the masses and using public resources for personal gain, and while this year's competition was understandably cut-throat, some DICKS clearly stand above the rest." Check out the winners of the "Best Number-Fudging DICK," "Best Supporting Domestic DICK," Best Supporting Foreign DICK," "Best Profiteering DICK," and, of course, the "DICK Of The Year."

(To the tune of Popeye The Sailor Man)

"I'm Dubya the President.
I've always said what I meant.
When I yell "Stop terror!"
I'm never in error.
I'm Dubya the President.

I'm one tough old POTUS
Which hates those no vote us.
Wot ain't on the right and square.
I stiffs 'em and bluffs 'em
And always out-roughs 'em
And none of 'em gets nowhere

If anyone dares to risk my wrath
It's "Wham" and it's "Bam," un'erstan'?
So keep good behavior
And b'lieve in the Savior.
I'm Dubya and I'm the Man.
..."

Bush and Tony
(To be sung to the tune of "Love and Marriage")
Bush and Tony, Bush and Tony
Go together like a cart and pony.
This I tell you brother
You can't have one without the other.

Bush and Tony, Bush and Tony
Always waging war & being phony.
Ask the local gentry
And they will say it's elementary.

Try, try, try to separate them
From their distortions.
Try, try, try, and you will only come
To this conclusion.

Bush and Tony, Bush and Tony
Go together like a cart and pony.
Split them? Don't you bother.
You can't have one without the other.

There's more...

In honor of Oscar week, democraticunderground.com presents its "second annual Academy Awards for Excellence in the Field of Conservative Idiocy." Trent Lott's momma should be proud of his award as "Best Supported Hairpiece in a Losing Role", and Nixon must be spinning in his grave to learn he's won the "Lifetime Achievement Award for Paranoid Rants by Dead Presidents"!

"To scheme an insidious scheme,
Where every dissenter's my foe,
To act like I share people's sorrow,
To run three fast miles in a row.

To right Bin the evil one's wrong,
To preach against vice my bete noir,
To lie when the truth is too glaring,
My legacy cannot be marred.

To wage a perpetual war,
To fight an unlimited foe,
I served in the war as a no-show,
I hid when the brave dared to go..."

So begins a new song by Mad Kane.

"Nukes, glorious nukes! I'm eager to build 'em.
When I'm in the mood, I might even launch 'em.
Peace? Don't make me laugh, boys. What's next? There's no question. Rich
patriots rule. Doves get indigestion.

Bombs, nuclear bombs! Who's likely to fight it?
Three wars at a time, our favourite diet.
Just picture a nuked Iraq. Fried. Crispy. Adieu!
Oh nukes, wonderful nukes, marvelous nukes, glorious nukes."

So begins a timely song from Madeleine Begun Kane...

Since November 2000, it feels as if the nation has been dragged backward through a Bush and into a bizarre Looking Glass world where everything is the opposite to what it should be. Progressive, thinking people are beginning to feel like Alice in Wonderland, surrounded by surrealistic characters and events and wishing they could wake up and find it all a dream! Going through Alice in Wonderland and Alice through the Looking Glass, I was stunned to find how well some of these characters really DO parallel Bush world! Here's an "Alice's Eye View" of Bush World by Unknown News' Cheryl Seal.

Bernard Weiner writes in the Online Journal: "Don't know about you, but all this war and politics stuff can be mighty confusing. So I picked up a copy of 'The 'War on Terrorism' for Dummies,' a kind of primer on current events, and now feel much better educated. Here are some of their answers."

"Bush and his shadow
Ruling the United States.
Bush and his shadow
Not a word to Dems whose guts he hates.

And when it's time to act
He turns to Blair.
Bush won't share facts
With Congress on a dare.

Just Bush and his shadow
All alone and feeling great."
So begins the song by Mad Kane.

"In the latest shake-up at ABC News, the network announced today that sultry video diva Jennifer Lopez will replace Peter Jennings as anchor of the network's signature 'World News Tonight' broadcast. Ms. Lopez will assume her duties on the program, renamed 'J to Tha Lo and the Booty-licious News', starting next Monday. The network also announced plans to dump hosts Sam Donaldson and Cokie Roberts from its Sunday morning news program 'This Week' and replace them with the popular animated cartoon character SpongeBob SquarePants. The decision to hire Mr. SquarePants was seen by broadcast industry insiders as a particularly shrewd one, since the sponge-like cartoon character's audience is considerably younger than that of Mr. Donaldson and Ms. Roberts." So writes Andy Borowitz.

"The Bush junta is desperately trying to divert the world's attention away from Enron with every ploy they have been able to stuff up their oily little sleeves. Instead of turning a penetrating spotlight onto the shadowy corners of our system and trying to determine just how such a thing could happen, Bush and Co. are treating the crisis it as just another 'PR problem' to be strategized away... What we find is White House Damage Control Central holding PR strategy sessions WITHOUT Bush, hoping to hit on the way to lead the nation away from the truth! I bet these sessions are more akin to brainstorming for a new sitcom ... Imagine for a moment that you are a mouse in the wall of a room in the West Wing ... It is early February 2002, before Bush's China trip, and Charlotte Beers and Karl Rove are involved in a frantic 'brainstorming session'"... Join Unknown News' Cheryl Seal for a wickedly irreverent look at White House Damage Control.

"Old Dick Cheney's hiding stuff, from the GAO.
And when they sued, Dick had a cow, he hates the GAO.
With a lawsuit here and a lawsuit there,
Here a suit, there a suit,
Everywhere a lawsuit.
Old Dick Cheney's hiding stuff, from the GAO."
So begins "Old Dick Cheney" by Mad Kane - a song every child in America should learn!

"The Bush Administration seemed to have everything so well coordinated after the 9/11 terrorist attacks. How, many wondered, could they have put the whole shebang together so quickly? We may never know all the details, but recently some minutes of a pre-9/11 Bush inner-cabinet meeting have come our way, from someone inside the Administration. We're not at liberty to reveal that mole's identity, but the job held by this person -- whom we'll call 'Shallow Throat' -- includes access to important papers and thus the undated transcript below, believed to have been recorded in July or August of 2001, could well be authentic." So writes Bernard Weiner, playwright, poet, and political scientist.

"I praise the sunshine,
I root for sunshine,
Tween South Korea
And N. K. too.
They'll never know, Dick,
How much I'm lying.
Please don't take my war ruse away.

The other night, Dick,
As I lay sleeping,
I dreamed that both Koreas were good pals.
When I awoke, Dick,
I was mistaken
And I jumped for joy and cheered."

So begins Mad Kane's song, to the tune of "You Are My Sunshine".

"In Kenneth Lay's new job, he'll be doing what he does best – but he won't be shredding documents, cooking the books, or taking the Fifth. He'll be lying. Twenty-four-seven. For America. The Pentagon announced today that it is hiring the embattled former Enron CEO to head up its new Office of Strategic Influence, whose brief is to spread information – and misinformation – around the globe. 'Lying is best done by seasoned professionals,' Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld said at a press briefing introducing the newly appointed Lay. 'And in Kenneth Lay, we believe we have found a world-class liar.'" So writes humor columnist Andy Borowitz.

I feel like I been blindsided. What the hell happened? Things were going great: We were beatin' the bejusus out of the enemy in Afghanistan, Ashcroft & I got everything we wanted through the Congress in terms of having a free hand legally, we got the huge tax cut for my supporters, Muslims around the world were letting us do what we wanted in their countries, it was looking good for the Congressional elections and for me in 2004.

"We do not like red ink from Ken; And so we must know where and when; And what he knew and what he took; And did he do it by the book? We want to hear you, Kenneth Lay; We want to let you have your say. Tell us how your Enron dream; Became the bankrupt Enron scheme. Tell us where the money went--Was it shredded? Was it spent?" So writes LA Times columnist Patt Morrison.

"The woods are full of lurking rightwingnuts. Worse yet, there is a new class of rightwingnut out there that imagines itself 'clever' (something of a contradiction in terms). Instead of just sending obscene notes or threatening those who challenge Bush and his pals with bodily harm -- this type tries to play 'subtle saboteur' -- or poser, if you prefer. There seems to be about three main species of poser. I am sure there are other variations on the theme. Now here's a handy basic field guide to spotting the posers lurking behind Bushes, Laying in wait, and trying to DeLay justice!" So writes Cheryl Seal in Unknown News.

"In an indication that President [sic] Bush has been effective in communicating his message to the American people, a new survey released today indicates that a majority of Americans now believe that evil is bad. Of those responding, 54% strongly agreed with the statement, 'Evil is bad,' with 21% strongly agreeing with the statement, 'Evil is very, very bad.' By wide margins, those surveyed also agreed with the statement, 'Evildoers are bad.' In one of the most persuasive pieces of data in the survey, 87% agreed with the statement, 'Evildoers are bad because they do evil, which is bad.' However, those responding to the survey still had some difficulty identifying the three members of the 'Axis of Evil' whom President Bush identified in his State of the Union Speech. Only 12% correctly identified Iran, Iraq, and North Korea, while 23% incorrectly named Batman super-villains The Joker, The Riddler, and Catwoman." So writes humorist Andy Borowitz.

"America's Best Christian, Mrs. Betty Bowers has announced plans to open a halfway house exclusively for George and Barbara Bush's grandchildren. 'We wanted it to be available to others, but with the nursing shortage, we are probably going to be too busy already just attending to the sundry addictions of America's First Family of Politics,' said Mrs. Bowers as she cut the ribbon. 'Whereas White House occupant Betty Ford opened a facility to keep Liza Minnelli off the street, this is a way of returning the favor by – finally – providing a place for people in the White House to dry out.'" Betty, you are SOOOO kind!

Listen while I tell you 'bout the dogs that didn't move
It was Sunday and the house was calm, really in a groove
They were stretched out near the sofa and the table full of booze
Terrible thing on TV though, favored Florida would lose
Football ... Miami, that is...

"Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the 'Axis of Evil,' Libya, China, and Syria today announced they had formed the 'Axis of Just as Evil,' which they said would be way eviler than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of his State of the Union address. Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name. 'Right. They are Just as Evil... in their dreams!' declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. 'Everybody knows we're the best evils... best at being evil... we're the best.' Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. 'They told us it was full,' said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad." So reports SatireWire.

"Well, I watched President [sic] Bush's State of the Union address last night. 'Our nation is at war, our economy is in recession and the civilized world faces unprecedented dangers!' No wonder the President's niece Noelle was in such a rush to load up on Xanax! Poor thing... As a rather adept marketer of Christianity, I applaud the use of any pithy catchphrase. Nevertheless, is it just me or does anyone else notice that when the President says, 'Let's roll!' he looks as if he is about to reach instinctively for a Zip-loc bag and a packet of Zig Zag papers?" So writes Betty Bowers in her typically outrageous monthly newsletter.

"Mr. President Pro-Tempore, Mr. Speaker, Senators, Congresspeople, Colluders in the Supreme Court, distinguished Guests, my bar-hoppin' offspring, and My Fellow Americans, the State of the Union is strong. In these short twelve months, we have managed to completely dismantle the form of government our forefathers took two hundred twenty-six years to build. After eight years of unbridled prosperity, we managed to drive the economy into recession in just two short months. After years of fiscal responsibility, we have raided the treasury, handed out huge payoffs to our contributors, and squeezed the middle class even further. We are back to deficit spendin' and we will never be held responsible. We have gone from the lowest unemployment rate in a generation, to the highest." So read the 24th draft of Bush's speech, according to PresidentMoron.com.

"Once or twice a week, my artsy friend Daphne and I visit a favorite watering hole to review the world news and catch up on local gossip. Naturally, the subject of the "War on Terrorism" has been on our minds lately, so I am not surprised when Daphne offers me her own version of the 'nice young man from Fairfax joins the Taliban' story on a recent evening. Daphne, you must understand used to be a social worker, working with the mentally ill homeless. This was an incarnation of hers that she speaks about with growing fondness over the years. As long as they were on their meds, she says, and you got them to shower every once in a while, they were some of her favorite clients. Daphne always imbues even the most unfortunate among us with dignity." So writes Dotty LeMieux of Green Dog Democrats.

"How many of you will watch the State of the Union? After all, you already have a good idea of what President Bush will say, don't you? Yup. He'll call for major increases in military spending and vast sums to promote homeland security. He probably won't address how he plans to fix the budget deficit - red ink that threatens to wipe out any new investments in job training, education, health care and other pressing needs at home for working families. Perhaps you will watch it, and imagine all the things you wish he'd say. Our friend Ben Cohen, of ice cream fame, has already done that. He's put together a fun video of The State of The Union We Won't See - one that's full of common sense ideas. Check it out, and then if you choose, plug into a new network of good folks and good groups who hope that someday someone will say what you'd really like to hear - and then do something about it." So write our friends at ProgressiveMajority.org.

Here is Laura Bush's latest column from the satirical site Whitehouse.org. "There are two tips that I have come up with to help people put their Enron stock to good use. Now, if you didn't get a call from me back in August (after I'd spent 30 minutes wide-eyed talking over cosmos with Kenneth Lay) telling you: "Sell those suckers!" then you missed out on my first tip. So, here I am with my second tip: Decoupage! There are many dear, sweet people out there who aren't part of Bushies' Pioneers and, therefore, not on Bushie's or my calling list. It just breaks my heart that they are holding trunk-fulls of now worthless Enron stock. If only you had used some of that stock when it was actually worth something to contribute to my husband, you would have been one of the people we let know to get rid of the rest of it before the bottom fell out!" Learn how to turn your Enron certificates into attractive lampshades and coasters!

"Everyone is wondering about those calls Ken Lay made to the White House when Enron was collapsing. There comes a time in most relationships when one of the two parties wants to end it -- when Enron went bankrupt, and Ken Lay was broke, I knew it was that time. Ken didn't take it very well. He went a little psycho. It seems he blames me for Enron's $600 million loss because over the last few years he's given $600 million to me and a few other Republicans. But hey, you make your own choices. It's hard enough getting over an ex-campaign contributor. But when he leaves you in excess of 50 psychotic voicemails, it makes it even harder. So, I decided to have some fun getting over him by starting this web site. I hope you enjoy my personal pain as much as my friends and the Democrats have." So writes President George W Bush on GWBush.com.

"The National Association of Pretzel Producers ('NAPP') filed suit late yesterday against President Bush, naming White House Physician Dr. Richard Tubb, White House spokesman Ari Fleischer, White House spokesman Ken Lisaius, and Bush aide Karen Hughes as codefendants. NAPP's complaint, which seeks five billion dollars in compensatory and punitive damages for 'pretzel product slander, pretzel product libel, and defamatory snack food disparagement,' alleges that Bush and his codefendants 'did willfully and maliciously and/or with reckless disregard for the truth, publish and disseminate false and/or untrue statements about the activities of one or more pretzels...'" So writes Madeleine Begun Kane, author of Dubya's Dayly Diary.

You wouldn't think Dick Cheney would sit for an interview with the author of Dubya's Dayly Diary. And you'd be right. But Madeleine Kane wouldn't let a small obstacle like that stop her. The result is: Mad Kane's Mad Interview of Dick Cheney. We can't say much for the answers, but no question is left unasked!

'Twas the night before Election, when all through Palm Beach, Not a creature was stirring, not even a leech; The ballots were hung by the shredder with care, In hopes that St. George soon would be there...

"It was just another night at Sam's Anchor Café on San Francisco Bay, when a spacecraft suddenly appeared overhead and deposited on the outside deck a rumpled-looking figure wearing a Yankees hat. 'Where am I?' asked the man, clutching a Wall Street Journal dated Tuesday, Nov. 7, 2000, as the jaws of the regulars at the bar dropped into their beers. 'Last thing I remember, I was on my way to the polling place on East 14th Street to vote for Ralph Nader. Then a blinding flash of light, and now I'm here.' 'You better sit down and have a drink,' I told him. 'You're not in New York. You're in the Bay Area, and you've missed an entire year. It's the day after Election Day -- 2001.'"

"In the wake of the terrorist attacks on the United States, political humor has virtually disappeared, replaced by patriotic platitudes. Deprived of their customary targets, late night TV talk show hosts are at their wits' end, struggling to find a new humorous voice that entertains without offending. So it's not surprising that Jay Leno, David Letterman, Conan O'Brien, Jon Stewart, and Bill Maher have sought comic relief in group therapy. Here's the transcript of their first joint therapy session, leaked to me by someone I'll simply call Deep Doc." So writes humor columnist Madeleine Begun Kane.

Fans of the satirical Dubya's Dayly Diary (http://www.madkane.com/bush.html) often ask whether "channeling Dubya" is bad for humorist Madeleine Begun Kane's mental health. They worry that venturing inside the Bush brain every day in order to ascertain & transcribe his "thoughts" is fraught with danger. And they're right. Can Mad Kane be helped? Find out by reading the first of an occasional series "George Dubya Bush Channeler Seeks Therapy."

The mainstream media is being used by corporate powers that be to mold public opinion - from cradle to grave. Tune in and you'll be shown how to dress, what to eat, how to act, what to buy, what is "bad" and what is "good" - all according to corporate guidelines. Here with a darkly humorous take on the 'TV God' is political humorist/folksinger Dana Lyons.

Here's a "Flash" animation that lets YOU lead Bush around by the nose. Just move the $ around the screen, and you'll see Bush go to contortions to follow it. (Note: if you see Tony Blair's face instead of Bush's, click on the word "Bush" at the bottom. Likewise, to lead Tony Blair around by the nose, click the word "Blair.") Thanks to David Tesler for finding this gem!

All good things come to an end. Even though Bush was selected by 55.5% of the votes that mattered - 5-4 in 2000, and by an even larger 66.7% in 2004 by virtue of Bush v Everyone, where the supreme court declared that the constitutional requirement that every state have a republican form of government was supposed to have a capital "R" - his second term ended, and he decided he wanted to retire to being Commissioner of Baseball. In this, his last misspeech as Resident of the United States, Bush looked back at all his Regime had accomplished, and looked forward with nostalgia.

We always wondered what kind of bizarro world thinking leads to the schemes and scams of the Bush administration. Now Tom Tomorrow gives us some shocking insights into how it's done, and how the airwaves become infected with the dread rightwing LANGUAGE VIRUS, the primary symptom of which is IDIOTIC ARGUMENTS.

Here is an outrageously skewed poll, cleverly designed to weed out the left wing wackos from all the good, God-fearing, compassionate, decent folks, who, of course, all belong to the GOP, believe in being nice to poor people as long as they don't have to actually give them any money or help, and think Jesus is alive and well and running a major corporation.

"Resolved - that these estates are, and ought to be, tax free and aristocratic estates. That any allegiance between the Republican Party, and democratic principles, is hereby completely dissolved. That they have the right to steal money, ignore entreaties, wage war on prosperity, and do all those things that free and aristocratic estates ought to do."

There's no doubt about it: Will Rogers was a man ahead of his times. His commentaries, ironically, centered on politics, a realm in which everyone is stuck in a time warp and heading backwards as fast as they can go - and, alas, trying to take us all with them!

Bush is schmoozing with his new best friend Tony Blair, who seems to have forgotten he ever had a friend named Bill..but maybe Bush saw into his soul. We personally think Bush just wants to see into other leaders' souls because he doesn't have one himself and wonders what one looks like. In any case, in this photo, he appears to be saying (after having spent an hour or two at the wet bar nursing a string of Colt 45s) "Ya' know what I think? I think we oughta round up all those goddamn commie pinko protestors, line 'em up and blow 'em all away!"

What more can we say about this one except: "HEIL BUSH!"

Ever wonder what the heck goes on in the minds of freepers and how on Earth they manage to keep their self-righteous (not to mention paranoid) obsessions so well-fueled? We stumbled across a righwingnut site called "freeyellow" that gives an insight into their secret, surrealistic fantasy world. They apparently see themselves and their heroes as saintly characters from some biblical epic, surrounded by "enemies" on all sides - complete no doubt with a mental soundtrack featuring the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. We'd all be better off if instead they just took a long hard look in a mirror....

Wow! Seems like Bushspeak is contagious! In any case, the translator for this news paper in Genoa sure seems to have become infected by Shrub syntax! It also seems to have picked up his "compassionate conservatism," too by calling for the "poor ones" to "escape to hunger and suffering." Hey! Maybe Shrub is actually just a droid from a strange and distant planet equipped with a really bad translator! To get to Bush story, click on top story on main page, then scroll down side bar listings to "Bush against contestatori".

We have discovered the actual rocket used in Saturday night's missile test! While Pentagon officials watched tensely from their command center in the South Pacific, what they actually saw on a video was live footage transmitted from the back lawn of the White House, where Shrub attempted to launch his very own Astra I rocket kit (recommended for ages 8 and up). The brilliant flash you saw was the rocket blowing up on its makeshift launch pad (they edited out the whining in the background). Now, kids, you can play along at home during the next "test missile launch event" by ordering your own Astra 1 kit - just like the one the president [sic] uses to fake successful hits!

-"Christie Todd" and Shrubmeister are eyebrow-deep in damage control efforts over the "Energy Plan," which will increase air pollution and worsen global warming dramatically. They have been urged by chief White House PR dominatrix Karen Hughes that the best defense against stupid decisions is to appear to be FOR something, instead of just AGAINST stuff (like clean air). So, they have devised a new "proactive" environmental strategy which carries a strong anti-air pollution message, yet still reassures corporate interests by being carried on big ugly billboards.

Democrats.com member Sue Smith has created a wonderful line of Election 2000 Commemorative Soaps. Check out Whole LOTT-a Balls Mississippi Cornball Soap... Tex-a$$ Dope on a Rope, which absolutely reeks of unrefined crude oil and Bush-it... Big Dick soap, guaranteed to give your bathtime a massive jolt of electrifying proportions... and more!

Norton and Shrubmeister have been bombarded with criticism for their persistently anti-environmental actions. These are two losers, we have thought all along, with no vision whatsoever of the wilderness. But here is where we have discovered we are WRONG. Norton and Shrub DO have a vision of the American Wilderness, and have used the magic of electronic art to attempt to reproduce a tangible image of this vision for the American people to see and contemplate. Thanks to our indefatigable "inside source," we have obtained an advance copy of this image. Here it is: "The Bush-Norton Vision of the American Wilderness."

You know the old saying "The more things change, the more they stay the same?" Well, Will Rogers proves that adage once again. Despite the marvels of modern science and social reforms that have been introduced in the 66 years since his death, some pretty fundamental aspects of American politics have not changed at all.

Although Will Rogers' humor and commentary was focused on events unfolding during the 1920s and 1930s, it is astonishing how fresh his material is in 2001. It is even more astonishing how little some of the subjects of his comments - Republicans and big oil in particular - have changed in 75 years!

Back in the Depression, and even before, Americans were having anxieties about just what the "age of the automobile" and the era of the automatic gun would mean to the quality of life. Here with his biting and strangely prophetic take on what some rightwingers now claim are our two top "inalienable rights" - the car and the gun - is Will Rogers.

After two months of intense negotiations, Disney workers have won the right to be provided with clean undwear under their Goofy and Donald Duck suits. The complaint was filed after some workers complained about contracting pubic lice and scabies from the company-provided undergarments that went with the costumes. So...if these representatives of the American Dream (I mean, we're talking Mickey Mouse and Pluto here!)have a right to control what kind of vermin goes into their underwear, why can't we figure out a way to control what kind of vermin goes into the White House (or the Supreme Court, for that matter!)?

When a Senator once read Will Roger's humorous comments on a bill that was under consideration, his fellow lawmakers protested having the comments of a "jokemaker" in the Congressional record. But Rogers and others might argue that the Record is full of jokes and other laughable matter!

"The collective term for a species is supposed to be a noun. A "flock" of sheep... A "gaggle" of geese... Get the picture? Nouns. But since I could find no evidence there is a collective term for the species Nazi horribilus, not only did I make up my own, I chose an adjective: 'noxious' ... I can't help but alliterate. It's in my blood." So says Bill Cope of the Boise Weekly, who notes the disturbing rise in the number of ultra-rightwingers oozing about. Hmm... how about a repugnant of Republicans... a blabber of Bushes... a noisome of Nortons... a collusion of Cheneys... a flagrance of Fleischers... a redundance of Rumsfelds... a pandemic of Powells...? The possibilities are endless!

The Senate is under new management. To help confound the confusion, SEMI TRUTHS presents the following dialogue between the outgoing and incoming Senate Majority Leader. LOTT: When you meet with the President [sic] as new majority leader, you’ll need to know his nicknames for the different chairmen. DASCHLE: Why doesn’t he just call them by their names. LOTT: He’s not so good with names. So remember, Who's on Budget, What's on Drugs, I Don't Know is on Intelligence. DASCHLE: That's what I want to find out. LOTT: I say Who's on Budget, What's on Drugs, I Don't Know's on Intelligence.

The phenomenal success of the Broadway adaptation of Mel Brooks' classic film "The Producers" has inspired a Democrats.com newswriter to pen a more timely version of the classic song.

Shrubmeister works cluelessly overtime to manufacture the illusion of diversity in his administration. He recently rounded up as many different variations on the sex, age and color theme as he could muster and cornered them in the White House for a photo op. In this photo, Shrub and Rummay are seen congratulating military re-enlistees. In this embarrassingly contrived shot, Shrub shakes the hand of a young black woman and says (in our caption, anyway!) "Well, honey, I really wanted a middle-aged Hispanic Catholic male to round out the line up, but I guess you're gonna have to do!"

Shrub showed up unexpectedly in Pennsylvania yesterday, allegedy for a photo op at a hydroelectric plant that. But our sources say that Shrub's burning interest was not the hydro project - it was, in fact, the dam's fish elevator that excited him. So, with visions of salmon dressed in smart little uniforms with gold epaulets and little pill box hats, standing ready to ask "Which floor, sir?" Shrub rushed to PA only to be bitterly disappointed by the dull reality confronting him. But our sources also tell us that Shrub made an earlier clandestine trip to PA last Saturday in the wee small hours of the a.m....

Sometimes we make things way too complicated. Here's the children's book version of Shrub's rise to power. Enjoy! (requires Shockwave).

In doing some background research on Tallahassee rightwing columnist/Jeb Bush damage-control officer Lucy Morgan, we have made an amazing discovery! The tendency to want to contort and stretch things (like the truth!) and to perform when hired (such as writing BS on demand for a governor) is actually a name thing. Yes, that's right! It goes with the name LUCY MORGAN and can take a variety of interesting forms...

This site has hundreds of Bush-bashing song parodies. Here are some recent examples: The Arsenic Song (The Coconut Song) You'll Be Out In '04 (Lookin' Out My Back Door) Derision Of Shrub (Vision Of Love) Inflaming Them Is The Far Right's Fear (It Came Upon A Midnight Clear). After singing these songs, you'll be ready to rock and roll at the rallies. Enjoy!

Have you ever dreamed of working side by side with a real president? Well, too bad, because we don't have a real president right now. But here's a job that will at least get you into the West Wing and allow your intelligence to stand out (if you have any at all, it'll definitely stand out here!). Go for it!

It's just about time for School to end for another year, so here come the report cards. Now, The Fraud's actual enrollment in the School of Presidents is still in question, but for interest's sake we're going to issue his end of year performance report anyway. He calls it a "media marker." We think it's kind of scary. You be the judge.

The Five Supremes all mysteriously left this world at the same time and found themselves standing together in front of what looked like the gates of Heaven. "Wow!" exclaimed Rehnquist to someone who resembled Saint Peter, "We actually made it to the Pearly Gates! May we come in?" "Just hang on a minute," said the gatekeeper. "We're still counting the votes..."

Hey, you can't beat a list of the top ten conservative idiots. I mean come on, what fertile ground! Let's take number nine on the hit parade, for instance: "Peter Jennings - Poor old Peter Jennings was recently heard lamenting the media's lack of conservative journalists. While being interviewed by bleeding-heart liberal Tim Russert last week, Jennings moaned, "I'm always struck by the fact that there are not enough conservative voices in mainstream broadcasting. And I think that's unfortunate and it always reminds me that one of the best [things] we can do ... is make room for people to have their say." This just in: a special bipartisan committee to investigate the disgusting liberal bias in the mainstream media has been set up by George Will, Charles Krauthammer, Ann Coulter, Bill O'Reilly, Rush Limbaugh, Robert Novak, John Derbyshire, Mary Matalin, Sean Hannity, Brit Hume, Tony Snow, Dr. Laura Schlessinger, and Chris Matthews." Hey, take a look at the other nine.

How do you know that you are not secretly a Republican? Ah, if you have any doubts, here's a foolproof test...

"NASA Scientist Elroy Rodham (No relation to Clinton) was peering through his telescope when he noticed a new moon circling around Pluto. Certain that this moon did not belong there, he sent a space probe out to take photographs and video footage of this new moon. The probe returned photographs of George W. Bush wearing a black electronic suit with a large cape..."

Bright and disarming, a talent for shmoozing; Unlike ol' dubya, no record for boozing; Listening to women as strong as our Hil, These are my favorite things about Bill.

Enjoy this "made for children" cartoon on how the Bush stole the Presidency. It's very amusing and very educational(requires flash plug-in).

Here's a very special song Unpresident's Day, to the tune of "A Very Merry Unbirthday" from Walt Disney's Alice in Wonderland: "A very merry unpresident's day to you Bush, to you!You're no legitimate President, so shame on you! You stole our votes and democracy which really makes us mad! A very merry unpresident's day to you, boohoo! Too bad!"

No need to describe this game - see it for yourself. It's G-rated :)

Sometimes you need an insider to ferret out the truth. So we turned to Betty Bowers, who bills herself as America's Best Christian, to interview Tony Scalia about the Supreme Court's All-Millenium heist of democracy. Tony was quite at ease with the reassuring Betty, and spilled his guts.

At Democrats.com, we try not to go "over the top" in our satire of Bush, tempting though it may be. But some folks just don't share our genteel scruples. If you relish the dark side and imaginative graphics, this site is for you!

Shrub's keeping a daily diary - and we've got a mole! Here's the latest entry: "Dear Diary -- What a ruff weekend! Laura's still mad at Dick on acounta what he said about teachers. I never shudda put it in my diary. Plus I was real upset cause of Fridays bad economy news. But Dick says bad news is really good news cause we can blame it on Clinton and use it to get our tax plan past. Kinda confusing -- but cool! I spent a lotta time with democrats this weekend. Didn't wanna. Don't much like democrats after all those mean things they said about me while I was beating the pants off Gore. But Poppy says I havta make nice with them so they won't notice we're doing stuff they don't like." Enjoy!

That's the result of rearranging the letters of "George Walker Bush, President of the United States of America." Amuse your friends! For more clever anagrams, click below.

Nobody thinks the Giants won. If you like one-liners with a bite, this site by Christopher Ott is for you :)

DUBYA WON? NO WAY, BUD! From a reader :)

This won't appeal to everyone, but if you think Rush "has the face of a horse's ass," this song's for you.

I am the very model of dispassionate conservative. My social views are so antique, they're stored in a preservative!

With all of the pre-inaugural hoopla, you may have missed Bush's televised speech on Tuesday. But The Onion didn't miss a word. "My fellow Americans," Bush said, "at long last, we have reached the end of the dark period in American history that will come to be known as the Clinton Era, eight long years characterized by unprecedented economic expansion, a sharp decrease in crime, and sustained peace overseas. The time has come to put all of that behind us."

Don't know much about history. Don't know much foreign policy...

Come and listen to my story 'bout a boy name Bush. His IQ was zero and his head was up his tush.

"Every Vote down in Voteville liked Voting a Lot, But the GRINCH, who lived West of Voteville, did Not." So begins a humorous take on the election by Salman Rushdie.

GW: Well, if some poor nigger robbed a bank, it would be my God given duty to turn him in. But if the man who owned the bank robbed it, I'd be stirring up trouble. I remember when me and my bro's, jeez, robbed all kinds of banks we had shares in back in S&L times. Gosh those were the good old days.

Molly Ivins is like a reporter whose beat is the comings and goings of the Royal Family. Except that the dynasty she covers is the faux pretenders known as the Bush Clan. This is a patrician family that thinks elected office is their birthright. Molly chronicles their foibles, incompetence and arrogance as no one else can. This is what she has to say about Dubya today:"I like him myself. But he is often clueless, he does not have a nice record, and the idea of electing him president scares the living fantods out of me. I like my nephew, I like my mailman and the lady at the dry cleaners. That doesn't mean they're ready to be president."

To the astonishment of the media and the nation, the Republican Party today raised the white flag of surrender and re-registered en masse as Democrats.