To the best of my ability, here is an accurate transcript of the Presidential News Conference, Thursday night, last night. For any of your pro-war friends who missed the newc conference, please take a moment and forward this to them. Thanks you very much.

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But, Mr. President: Can you please tell us what cost will be involved?

Reply: Well, no, but I can tell you the cost is less than the cost of inaction.

But, Mr. President: Is there any reason why we must go to war right now, why we can't wait?

Reply: I am not going to answer that question. I am merely going to tell you again that Saddam is a thug and the U.N. better decide if they are irrelevant.

But, Mr. President: What would Saddam need to say tonight to get you off his back?

Reply: It does not matter what he says, because we know he is a liar. It does not matter what he does, because we know he is merely trying to trick us.

But, Mr. President: How about the inspections which seem to be working?

Reply: The inspections are not working. I have no proof to show you. But I just know in my gut that the inspections are not working.

But, Mr. President: How do you explain the fact that the whole damn world is against you right now?

Reply: Don't matter. We're gonna smoke em out. Yippee. We are gonna smoke em out.

But, Mr. President: Aren't you nuts?

Reply: Hell no, goddamn it. Smoke em out. Yippee. Yippee. I am tough. I got guts. I am a tough guy. Hey, your mama. I'm tough, tough. Watch me. I'm bad, really bad.

But, Mr. President: How can you get away with scripting the whole damn news conference?

Reply: Who let this sucker in here? What's going on? This is not in the script. It's not his turn. He was not supposed to say that. Right here it says that the next person was supposed to say: "Mr. President, All of us in the press corps think you are one of the smartest men ever to serve as president." I know that this is next. It is right here in the script, right here. Arrest that son of a bitch.

But, Mr. President: You seem blood-thirsty and the rest of the world is shocked by your arrogance.

Reply: Look. Pay back is hell.

But, Mr. President: Pay back for what. Iraq had nothing to do with 9-11, nothing.

Reply: The hell you say. Smoke em out. Yippee. Look at it this way. While technically Iraq maybe did not necessarily exactly actually do the 9-11 thing, I think some of them were happy about it...and I have a duty to the American public...to do something about 9-11...and this is what I am gonna do. Yippee.

But, Mr. President: That's a non sequitur.

Reply: Don't you start any of that queer French stuff on me. Payback is hell. Payback is hell.

But, Mr. President: Payback? What in hell are you talking about? Payback would be to go find Osama. Payback would be to attack Saudi Arabia. But what did Iraq do to deserve "pay-back?"

Reply: I have a duty. I prayed to God. I have a duty. And I prayed to God. And yippee. And smoke em out. That's yippee. And smoke em out. And I prayed to God. And I have a duty.

But, Mr. President: Why do you want to go get Iraq?

Reply: This is all I have to say. The American people understand me. Yippee. Smoke em out. Yippee. Smoke em out. I am closer to God than Clinton was. I pray a bunch. I have a duty. And smoke em out. And I am tough. And smoke em out.

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