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Bush White House Anagrams
Les Marsden

I'm more than a little concerned.

Recently as I lay restlessly awake at 3 am in the deep silence of the Mariposa woods that surround my house, I began to engage in a little brainplay. I was tired, but couldn't sleep. Counting sheep didn't work, so instead I mentally stumbled onto the idea of Bush White House Anagrams. You know: re-arranging the letters in the names of those currently posing as a legitimate administration. I don't know of anyone else playing this little game, but the results were somewhat bothersome. For example,

ASHCROFT = C OF TRASH. What might that mean? Sea of Trash? Can of Trash? He could also be FORT CASH. Endless possibilities for Ashcroft; better keep an eye on him.

RICE = ICER. Yes, remember back in May when they trotted the poor thing out to her very own news conference to defend Bush's inaction despite revelations of multiple advance warnings before September 11? The press was easily able to ice her inept defense of Bush's incompetence.

CARD = DARC. Andy 'Darkman' Card. That fits him to a 'T.'

FLEISCHER = FISH CREEL. I like this one; Ari looks an awful lot like something you'd find in a fisherman's creel, doesn't he? Particularly last week's forgotten catch. That mouth was just made to hook onto a nice juicy nightcrawler.

ROVE = OVER. The one positive result: Over. As in Karl's boss's term, I hope?

POWELL = WE POLL. You bet they do. Despite Bush's constant denials and criticism of Clinton, this White House doesn't so much as twitch without polling public opinion first.

ABRAHAM = ARAB HAM. Now there's a walking dichotomy, just like the man himself. Back when he was a one-term senator, he proposed completely killing the Energy Department. On three separate occasions. And now he heads it! He seems to make a tradition out of serving men of small intellect: he was Dan Quayle's deputy chief of staff and now he serves..well, you're probably way ahead of me here.

DANIELS = IN DEALS. Probably. Lots and lots of deals..

NORTON = NOT NOR. Interesting - Two Negatives, proving two wrongs certainly DON'T make a right, especially when you're talking about the Department of the Interior. Or what's left of it. Still think there's no difference between Gore and Bush, Mr. Nader?

CHAO = interesting. Add one letter to Elaine Chao's name and you get CHAOS

WHITMAN = W HITMAN. Which could stand for World Hitman, which is appropriate for the way she's running the EPA. Into the ground.

RIDGE = DIRGE. Fitting. A funeral dirge is about as warm and exciting as his personality, and pretty illuminating considering he's in charge of Das Homeland Security.

O'NEILL = ILL ONE. Wow. Considering the fact that Bush's Treasury Secretary has been getting thoroughly trashed from the Right as well as the Left, and may not be in his job much longer. He's certainly sickened the great economy handed to him by Clinton's Robert Rubin.

MINETA = IN TEAM. Interesting. He is the only Democrat on Bush's Minor League Team. Err --- Cabinet.

CHENEY = HYENEC. Of or like a Hyena. And we already know that when he ran Halliburton, this hyena was laughing all the way to the bank.

RUMSFELD = DUM FELR'S. Yup: he's the dumb feller's Def Secretary.

BUSH = SUB-H. Sub-H could certainly stand for sub-human.

It's probably not surprising to note that I never did make it to Slumberland that night. I'm hard-pressed to comprehend how any of us can ever get to sleep on ANY night when we stop to consider who's playing President in the Oval Office. I may need a whole bottle of Sominex tonight.