|
|
|
"This checking, checking, and re-checking over and over again must stop now," said former Secretary James Baker. Baker further claimed that unnamed GOP observers witnessed an elf removing all boys named Justin from the 'nice' list, filing them under 'naughty' instead
because "everyone knows all boys named Justin are brats."
Gov. Bush cited the potential for unauthorized list tampering, and
blasted what he called the "crazy, crazy mess up there at the North
Pole."
"Their security is really awful, really bad," said Bush. "My mother
just walked right in, told 'em she was Mrs. Claus. They didn't check
her ID or nothing." Meanwhile, Dick Cheney, Gov. Bush's running mate,
issued a direct plea to St. Nick himself. "Mr. Claus, I call on you to do the honorable thing, and quit checking your list. The children of the world have had enough. They demand closure now," Cheney said, adding that his granddaughter has already selected a name for the pony she's asked for.
The Rev. Jesse Jackson was quick to respond to this latest development with plans to lead his protesters from Florida to the North Pole via dogsled. The "Million Man Mush" is scheduled to leave
Friday.
"We need red suits and sleighs, not lawsuits and delays," Jackson said. Santa Claus could not be reached for comment, but a spokeself
said he was "deeply distressed" by news of the pending legal action
against him. "He's losing weight, and he hasn't said 'Ho Ho' for
days," said the spokeself. "He's just not feeling jolly."
-- written by Jeff Turner
|
|
|