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Beyond Embarrassment
By W. David Jenkins III

That's it, I quit! I cannot believe what's going on. Now, I was under the impression that the "adults were in charge." The news of the last few days has been so mortifying and so humiliating that I cannot believe that anybody, Republican or Democrat can stand behind George W. Bush without making faces behind his back.

Before anything else happens, would somebody please tell that little twerp that Condi Rice and Colin Powell are not the only black folks in the world? When talking with Brazilian president Fernando Henrique Cardoso, Baby Bush, God bless him asked, "Do you have blacks too?" How, how, how did this guy get out of grade school let alone get to be president? Oh no, don't give me the "corrupt Supreme Court" thing again. I'm sorry, but in order to elevate this level of stupidity and ignorance to the highest office in the country you need more than a corrupt court! This is the equivalent of putting an infant behind the wheel of a car and thinking that buckling baby's seatbelt will prevent an accident! And of course the American media has "missed" this particular story but the rest of the world hasn't. Not only did thousands of them protest against Bush and his policies during his visit to "Yurp," now they're also laughing their Old World butts off at him. And us. The Brazilian president remarked later that Bush was "still in a learning-phase" when it came to South America. No! No! No! "Learning phase" is supposed to be what you go through before you steal office, George! Oh, somebody hide us, please! Condi Rice just isn't cut out for this kind of damage control. And it only gets worse.

Let us all say a prayer, or whatever we do, that the terrorist factions we're currently interrogating never go wild in your local Video King or Blockbuster or whatever video store there is near you. Seems as though the latest terrorist warnings are compliments of the movie "Godzilla." No, dang it, I'm serious. ABC News.com reported the following;

W A S H I N G T O N, May 28 - Americans prepared for their Memorial Day weekend amid a flurry of uncorroborated terror threats, some of which, sources told ABCNEWS, were inspired by the 1998 remake of the Japanese monster movie Godzilla.
Most of the warnings released in recent months have come from interrogations of al Qaeda and Taliban prisoners in custody in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.
Then the article goes on.
Questions are being raised, however, about whether Zubaydah is playing games with his interrogators, deliberately sending his captors off on time-consuming and expensive wild goose chases.
For instance, during interrogations recently, Zubaydah suggested that a bridge and a statue shown in the remake of Godzilla might be targets for terrorism, sources said.
When officials watched the movie, they concluded the alleged Osama bin Laden lieutenant was referring to the Brooklyn Bridge and the Statue of Liberty. Within days, the information prompted officials to place both under heightened security.

Oh, well I feel a heck of a lot more secure now, don't you? Okay, so not only is the world community laughing at us, but now we have our prisoners having a bit of fun at our expense. They've obviously caught on to the level of stupidity and gullibility that seems to permeate in the current American regime and they are utilizing it to the maximum. Geez, whatever you do, don't let 'em see any of the "Die Hard" flicks. And, in case the gang in charge hasn't thought about it, all James Bond movies are definitely off limits! In fact, maybe you guys should just sit and watch videos for a few months. We know how much you all hate to read books, (especially Tom Clancy novels) so just plug in the VCR and kick back so you all can keep us safe and free from embarrassment. Scuba diver terrorists indeed! You know it won't stop people from asking questions about 9/11. All you people are doing is prolonging the inevitable. The questions are still going to keep coming, George.

NBC's David Gregory gave you a hint of things to come during your disastrous press conference in France. Dave asked a poignant question to Bush that day and all the little brat could do was come up with a smart-alecky answer. When Gregory asked Bush about the protests that had dogged him during his European jaunt and the anti-Bush (not anti-American) feelings expressed by the protestors, he also asked, in French, for Chirac to comment as well. Bush got all miffed and erroneously accused Gregory of "memorizing a few French words" in order to pass himself off as being "intercontinental." Does he think Gregory is a missile, or is this yet another example of Bush's lack of comprehension of the English language? Bush then spewed the phrase "I'm impressed. Que bueno. Now, I'm literate in two languages." Well, I don't know Spanish for squat so I'll give him the benefit of a doubt. But, exactly what other language is Bush "literate" in? Oh, he better not be trying to include English in that statement. Anybody who's heard him speak without 3x5's or Karen Hughes knows that's an eighteen wheeler lie. Then he went on about how Gregory might have seen people protesting but all he saw was people waving. That's right, George. Just keep blowing hot air into that bubble you live in. Face it, George, we the majority, despise you and so does most of the world. As you and yours like to say, get over it!

Stop blaming your poor European performance on "jet lag." You crossed two time zones in five days. Just admit it. The European leaders kept you up past your bed time. Face it. They're grown ups. You're an embarrassing spoiled child who was handed a job you didn't even want. You cannot possibly keep up. You're still in a "learning phase." You're dealing with world leaders, ya doof. It's the leader of Russia not "Pootie Poot," you moron! Yes, there are blacks in Brazil and England and the Hamptons and, no, Africa is not a country! You and your ilk are not patriots. The people who care enough about the future of America, the ones questioning you are the real patriots. We recognize the fact that every time things look bad for you, your people issue another "terrorism alert." We know that you knew more than you're letting on about 9/11. We saw you just sit there in an elementary class that day doing nothing for around 25 crucial minutes between the first and second attack on the twin towers. Knowing what you knew. You just sat there with that dumb look on your face. The same dumb look that we've become accustomed to. The same dumb look that the rest of the world sees every time you get asked a tough question.

Believe it or not, I feel like I've held my tongue, to a degree, for a long time and I just can't do it anymore. George W. Bush, you are the ultimate embarrassment to the majority of Americans. Will you please just stay home and shut up. We can't take it anymore. You don't fool most of us. You've been looking like a little bunny rabbit who's just spotted the business end of a shotgun (9/11, Enron etc.) pointed in your direction. The old Dan Quayle "deer in the headlights" stare. How can people support you when they (not to mention, you) have no idea what you're saying? Look, just forget it, George. Just take your naps, play on the treadmill and keep trying to get to the ultimate score on your video games. Just, please, shut up.

Well, at least until the subpoenas start coming. Then we'll start to insist that you start talking.