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The George Dubya "Grimmer Scenario" Statement
Will Ruha wruha@aol.com

"To maintain peace, protect our own citizens and our own allies and friends we must seek security based on more than the grim premise that we can destroy those who seek to destroy us." - George W. Bush, May 1, 2001

" ...more than the grim premise..." To the question of what might possibly constitute a grimmer premise, I offer the following:

The George Dubya "Grimmer Scenario" Statement

"It is true that many critics in the Democratic community do not favor the Nuclear Missile Shield Plan, regarding it to be a fruitless expenditure of tax dollars for a deterrence system said to be imprecise and ineffective. While I strongly disagree with this assessment, in the spirit of bipartisan compromise and uniformity of American resolve, this administration has taken into account these objections and sought new creative resolutions to the problems facing our national defense.

I am therefore pleased to announce the formation of a new American post-nuclear Faustian pact. Under the terms of the Chtonian Treaty, our nuclear response strike capability will not only annihilate the lives of our enemies, but will now incinerate their souls for eternity in the fiery pit of hell.

I am recommending swift Senate approval of the treaty, with hopes that we can achieve formal signature with the Unholy Dominion sometime in July; Vice President Cheney will serve as our official representative in Hades.

We feel that this augmentation of our present nuclear deterrence is the only feasible response escalation to effectively deal with the rise of agnostic post-Soviet instability and Third World jihad terrorism.

Throughout history, Americans have often been asked to bear the burden of defending democracy and those principles of good Christian family values for which our nation proudly stands, and must always be prepared to honor and protect.

To this end, I ask that all Americans join with me in supporting this important pact. While this doubtless again calls for American resolve and national sacrifice, in keeping with our campaign pledge to reduce taxes, the Bush Administration is proud to state that not a single dime of American taxpayer dollars will be required to fulfill the terms of the treaty ... although it's possible everyone will be required to tithe ten percent of his and her afterlife in hell on a time share basis. It's a minor treaty stipulation, really; one that we feel is negotiable, and in any case, let's look at the positive aspects of the 90%.

Thank you.

And uh, I'm sorry but we won't be taking any questions at this time."