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A Field Guide to Bush Supporters: A List of the Top 22 'Species'

By Cheryl Seal

Having followed the policies, decisions, and manipulations of George W. Bush closely and in depth for over three years, I found myself wondering, with daily growing amazement: Who on God's green Earth still actually supports this man?

Well, yes, of course, the nation has been lied to by the media on a daily basis, which has made seeing through the scum on the White House pond more difficult. And the same meda has spun every action and statement made by Bush into something that doesn't LOOK like it should smell as bad as it does. Even so, certain glaring evidence of something rotten in the District of Columbia is inescapable: nearly 1,000 soldiers dead in Iraq and the numbers rising. National landmarks and "public buildings" blocked by cement barricades and chain-link fences. Nearly 2 million missing jobs. Salaries that have plummeted. Nine million more people finding themselves without healthcare. Dozens of angry - VERY angry - former allies. A deficit that could swallow a small planet. Worsening air quality heralded by skyrocketing asthma rates. And on and on.

So who are these holdout Bush supporters?

After pondering four years worth of my own interactions, pro-Bush postings at various webstes, and the comments of callers to rightwing talk shows and C-SPAN, I have identified and compiled the following list of Bush supporter types.

1. Scared, under-informed, and disempowered women who have been brainwashed into believing that there are Al Qseda bogeymen behind every door and only G. W. Bush can save them.

2. Scared, under-informed, and disempowered men who have been brainwashed into believing that there are Al Qaeda bogeymen behind every door and only G. W. Bush can save them.

3. People making over $100,000 per year whose primary focus in life is "getting theirs" (as in "who cares if anyone else does?")

4. Homophobics

5. Black people who hate themselves and wish they were white

6. Just about any minority people who hate themselves or at least hate one other minority group.

7. White people who hate all minorities.

8. People brainwashed into believing that the world revolves around just two issues: guns and abortion

9. Executives whose companies spew toxic wastes into the air, soil and water.

10. Developers who would turn anything - from farmland to nature sanctuaries - into parkinglots and strip malls if they could.

11. Co-dependent women who want a pat on the head from their patriarchal husbands or boyfriends for voting for HIS favorite candidate.

12. Angry white males who believe that only white males have a right to health, wealth, and the pursuit of happiness and thus don' want to share the resources

13. People who cannot find the capitol of the next state on a map, let alone Afghanistan or Iraq

14. People who believe that they will be one of the 144,000 "chosen" who will be sucked up into heaven following an accelerated Armageddon provoked by Bush

15. People who eat Freedom Fries

16. People who claim to be pro-life while cheering on the slaughter of innocent men, women and children in poor countries.

17. People who claim to be pro-life while promoting the extinction of dozens of species by endorsing the removal of environmental protections

18. People who claim to be pro-life but promote the often prolonged and painful deaths of thousands of fellow human beings by opposing affordable health care policies or the use of federal funds for clinics in poor nations because they may offer abortion..

19. People who think female breasts are nasty objects and should be hidden permanently from view, if not banned altogether.

20. People too unread, unimaginative, and unintelligent to grasp concepts that cannot be presented as "tiny sound bytes" and simple-minded slogans

21. People who believe "liberal" is a dirty word because that's what Rush Limbaugh and the rest of the simple-minded slogansmiths have hammered into their heads.

22. People who believe that what really counts in a leader with the power to determine the course of events for hundreds of millions of people on Earth is whether you can picture having a beer with him.