WASHINGTON, DC: Drunk with power at having successfully usurped the US Presidency, George W. Bush spent his first week in office raising GOP hypocrisy to new heights.

His first notable achievement was what sports fans call a "two-fer". He reinstated the international gag rule, denying US funds to overseas family planning groups which so much as MENTION abortion -- even though by law US funds have not been used to pay for abortion services for decades.

"But George W. has always been against abortion", the pundits say. "Where's the hypocrisy in that?"

The answer may be found in Bush's faith-based charity initiative. Under it, the government will give US tax dollars to religious organizations for social welfare programs. Bush claims that taxpayer dollars won't be used to support religious recruitment and indoctrination; but since government oversight of churches is effectively impossible on a Constitutional basis, how are we to know what's done with the funds? You may trust YOUR church to be ethical, but would you trust the Heaven's Gate people? Or David Koresh?

Of course, the result is the same as if George W. went digging in our pockets and handed the money to Pat Robertson. The tax dollars he gives to churches frees up funds which they WILL use to recruit and indoctrinate. The indirect effect is compulsory taxpayer funding of religion - a clear violation of the separation between Church and State (although "Justices" Rehnquist, Scalia, Thomas, O'Conner, and Kennedy may decide otherwise, since they now clearly have no concern for the rule of law).

Which leads us to an interesting question: just how much cocaine did George W. snork up in his "youth"? Because he seems to have lost his memory awfully quickly. One day he understood the idea of indirect funding, and the next day the concept completely slipped his mind!

The other half of this GOP double-play: although they claim to oppose abortion, the reinstatement of the international gag rule will actually INCREASE the number of abortions and deaths of young mothers overseas, since the withheld US funds were used to promote contraception and avoid unwanted pregnancies.

But wait! You ain't seen NOTHING yet!

Spurred on by his success, our dashing young Leader has topped even himself by accomplishing an amazing hypocritical THREE-FER!

I give you The Leader's words: "I hope that in the spirit of bipartisanship there be no further delays in the confirmation process of John Ashcroft."

This is, of course, quite ironic, since his selection of Ashcroft was made in anything BUT the spirit of bipartisanship. If anything, it was the rankest display of in-your-face GOP partisanship imaginable (excepting of course the 2000 election).

But the hypocrisy is raised to a higher level when one recalls that for EIGHT YEARS the GOP stalled and blocked an absolutely unprecedented number of President Clinton's appointees - spending many months, even YEARS ignoring quite moderate candidates for the courts and ambassadorial posts. Yet now, presented with a grievously extreme nominee for Attorney General, the GOP is shocked, shocked! that the Democrats are hesitating for a few days before falling backwards and spreading their legs.

The capstone of this hypocritical triple-play is that John Ashcroft himself was a master at delaying and blocking confirmations. He saw nothing wrong with delaying votes and requiring nominees to fill out questionnaires with hundreds of invasive, inappropriate questions. But when it comes to his own confirmation, well, that's different!

Not to mention the huge number of bald-faced lies that Ashcroft spewed at the committee (much like Gail Norton, who I'll predict will recant her new-found environmentalism now that she's been confirmed). Those lies alone convict him of an absolute lack of character which render him unfit to haul garbage, much less be the chief of US law enforcement.