THE RIGHTWING BILL OF RIGHTS

As annotated by Cheryl Seal

Incredibly enough, this "bill of rights" is actually serious! It is being circulated by Freepers and other Bushies right now, with notes attached urging the recipient to pass it on. A copy came my way, and I couldn't resist "annotating" it. And, by all means, please follow the originators' advice and circulate widely (this version!).

The Bill of Non-Rights (original title)

The following has been attributed to State Representative Mitchell Kaye from GA. This guy should run for President one day...

We hold these truths to be self evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim they require a Bill of NON-Rights."

ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.

C.S. NOTE: However, every corporate exec is "guaranteed" the right to wealth in the form of obscene multi-million-dollar per year salaries. And, this wealth is is to be financed, when necessary, by the layoff of workers, thus insuring that they do not have the right to "a new car, big screen TV," etc.

ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc.; but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.

CS NOTE: However, we will make sure that when you turn the channel from Limbaugh, you will find 50 other channels spouting the same viewpoint, which, of course, helps prove our point that the world is, indeed, full of idiots.

ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.

CS NOTE: And, following this logic, if your child strangles when she gets her head caught between the slats of a poorly made bed, get a kid with a smaller head and don't expect the bed manufacturer to pay for the funeral.

ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.

CS NOTE: In fact, as an example of our great American charity, there are ONLY 2 million homeless people in the US - with JUST 150,000 of them veterans who served and sacrificed for their country. And as to those hundreds of thousands of the new homeless living in shelters or on the streets who are working 40 hours a week but unable to afford housing - God just must be punishing them.

ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care.

CS NOTE: You have the right to get sick, then get sicker, and finally die slowly and miserably, costing your families and ultimately the federal government ten times more than if you'd had access to healthcare in the first place. You have the right to suffer needlessly and watch your children or elderly parents suffer, unable to afford treatment because, afterall, that's what 'Merica is all about!

ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.

CS NOTE: But you do have the right to rape, torture and humiliate prisoners in the name of national security, to kill and maim thousands of women and children in an illegal attack on their country, to withhold healthcare from millions and let them suffer or die, to pollute the air and water so that millions may eventually slowly sicken and die. And don't worry, for these things, you'll never face the electric chair - not even a slap on the wrist.

ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.

CS NOTE: But if your name is Ken Lay or Dick Cheney, or gave generously to the Bush campaign, you have the right to steal billions of dollars of American citizens' savings and tax dollars, to play with it as you see fit. You may deprive tens of thousands of their jobs and life savings; you may steal from our soldiers in Iraq, overcharging them for food and gas - but don't worry, you will never be locked away and you will always have the right to a big screen color TV and life of leisure.

ARTICLE VIII: You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.

CS NOTE: See Articles IV and V - Not only will we insure that you have no right to a job,we will also make sure that, lacking a job, you have no access to food, housing, or healthcare. After all, this is the "most charitable country" on Earth and we want to "glady help you along in hard times." And as for you displaced workers from the tech and auto industry who have been beating the pavement now for 18 months putting in 30 applications a week - you just aren't trying hard enough! Why don't you just cough up $10,000-25,000 dollars for all those "educationa opportunities laid before you."

ARTICLE IX: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness, which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.

CS NOTE: See Articles 1-VIII - these are designed to make SURE you don't have a right to happiness! And if they don't do the trick, then we'll get rid of all those idiotic laws that help make insuring happiness more likely.

ARTICLE X: This is an English speaking country. We don't care where you are from, English is our language. Learn it or go back to wherever you came from!

CS NOTE: And in fact, our next step is to declare that only Right Wing is spoken here! All you people who refuse to use at least one simple-minded slogan in every other sentence can all back where you came from, too!

(lastly....)

ARTICLE XI: You do not have the right to change our country's history or heritage. This country was founded on the belief in one true God. And yet, you are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any faith, or no faith at all; with no fear of persecution. The phrase IN GOD WE TRUST is part of our heritage and history, and if you are uncomfortable with it, TOUGH!!!!

CS NOTE: In fact, to prove how much we believe in freedom of religion, we'll only burn a cross in your yard and slash your tires if we decide that we don't think your God is the same one we have in mind.

Sensible people of the United States speak out because if you do not, who will?

CS NOTE: People like the author of this 'Bill of rights, that's who!

Vote - it's American as American can be...!