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On behalf of Shell, Mobil, and Exxon; Boeing, Lockheed-Martin, and GE; all the Enrons, Halliburtons, and Harkens; President Bush, Vice President Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, and the other CEOs of the Cabinet; and thousands of us who are working for a better life for the wealthiest Americans, we have one simple request: Could you please just stay home tomorrow?

See, we have things to do. Nations to invade. Wetlands to destroy. Oil to drill. Courts to pack. Corporate taxes to cut.

What's frustrating for us is that we're coming up against some pretty stiff resistance. We've spent hundreds of millions of dollars to secure the Senate, but it looks like we just may lose it. Heck, we may even lose the House. We don't quite get what it is about our agenda that you people don't like, but it's clear that this time, you may be upset enough to actually do something about it.

That's why we're writing this message to you today. Please don't vote. Ask your friends not to vote. What could the harm be in sitting this round out? If you could just stay home on Election Day, we can get back to the important business of running the nation for you, and we won't have to bother you again.

Thank you,
The Executive Committee Against Uppity Citizens